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Message de chamcham posté le 09-05-2018 à 18:08:42 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
J'aurais bien besoin d'un peu d'aide pour mon oral de bac. Dans ce petit texte, je réponds à la notion "Lieux et formes de pouvoirs" avec un sujet très intéressant sur le port des armes à feu aux Etat-Unis. Si vous pouviez m'indiquer mes fautes et me faire quelques remarques ce serait super !
En vous remerciant pour votre temps
We are going to deal with notion "places and forms of power". To begin with, I would like to give a definition of the notion. The notion of places and forms of power refers to the idea of power as the influence of a person, of a group of people over others.
This power can be political type (je veux ici indiquer "peut être un pouvoir politique du type" mais je ne sais pas trop comment le rendre en anglais), consented to a democracy or imposed by power, as a dictatorship for example.
But the notion of power also conveys influences from another type, such as economic, cultural power. In relation with this noccion, we will see the gun power in United States.
To begin with, I'm going to make a brief reminder and why there are as much weapons in USA, then I will describe the situation actual and finaly I will prononed a slam wrote by you about this violence.
Firstelly, In the US, there are virtually as many guns as there are people, whereas in Japan for example, most kinds of guns are illegal, and almost no one owns gun.
This makes firearm injuries one of the top ten causes of death in the US.
Indeed, Parents offer firearms to their children, even if they are very small, weapons often with real weapons. The children learn the hunt very quickly and practice shooting in the garden.
The American people are very attached to firearms. It's a tradition which is very important for families and it's also a way to have fun together.
Moreover the NRA 's goal (National Rifle Association) is to promote the legal use of firearms and protect the rights of US citizens to bear arms.
Here is what the second amendment says:
"A well regulated militia, being necessary to the security of free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringet."
the right to bear arms was nessary in the time of the cowboys and Indians and during the gold rush for example bus it justified nowadays ?
Because of powerful lobbies sush as the NRA Trump can't restrict gun ownership.
On top of that, It's very easy to own a gun firearms are sold in supermarket.
Secondly, owing to the legalization of arms and lack of control, many people have died. Indeed, there has been and there will be many more killings in the United States. For example, the Las Vegas massacre that took place in October 2017, which left several hundreds dead, or killings in schools and universities. But there is too every years, lot of accident in houses.
For this reason, the families of the victims organized manifestation against people who are for guns.
the Brady Campaign wants to expand background checks to all gun sales.
Buyer's identity would be control to avoid accident.
American Mothers are fed up with gun violence as a result they created a Mother's Bill of rights. The million mom March joined the Brady campaign on order to be stronger, and this two association fight against Trump for forbid possession of a firearms.
To conclud, firearms don't kill people. People kill others people. In united states, the people are fighting more and more, because they fed up to arm power.
Trump wants to allow teachers to have weapons, even in class, to protect students if there is one problem. But for me it's not a solution, it's just an escalation of violence.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 09-05-2018 23:10
Message de chamcham posté le 09-05-2018 à 18:08:42 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
J'aurais bien besoin d'un peu d'aide pour mon oral de bac. Dans ce petit texte, je réponds à la notion "Lieux et formes de pouvoirs" avec un sujet très intéressant sur le port des armes à feu aux Etat-Unis. Si vous pouviez m'indiquer mes fautes et me faire quelques remarques ce serait super !
En vous remerciant pour votre temps
We are going to deal with notion "places and forms of power". To begin with, I would like to give a definition of the notion. The notion of places and forms of power refers to the idea of power as the influence of a person, of a group of people over others.
This power can be political type (je veux ici indiquer "peut être un pouvoir politique du type" mais je ne sais pas trop comment le rendre en anglais), consented to a democracy or imposed by power, as a dictatorship for example.
But the notion of power also conveys influences from another type, such as economic, cultural power. In relation with this noccion, we will see the gun power in United States.
To begin with, I'm going to make a brief reminder and why there are as much weapons in USA, then I will describe the situation actual and finaly I will prononed a slam wrote by you about this violence.
Firstelly, In the US, there are virtually as many guns as there are people, whereas in Japan for example, most kinds of guns are illegal, and almost no one owns gun.
This makes firearm injuries one of the top ten causes of death in the US.
Indeed, Parents offer firearms to their children, even if they are very small, weapons often with real weapons. The children learn the hunt very quickly and practice shooting in the garden.
The American people are very attached to firearms. It's a tradition which is very important for families and it's also a way to have fun together.
Moreover the NRA 's goal (National Rifle Association) is to promote the legal use of firearms and protect the rights of US citizens to bear arms.
Here is what the second amendment says:
"A well regulated militia, being necessary to the security of free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringet."
the right to bear arms was nessary in the time of the cowboys and Indians and during the gold rush for example bus it justified nowadays ?
Because of powerful lobbies sush as the NRA Trump can't restrict gun ownership.
On top of that, It's very easy to own a gun firearms are sold in supermarket.
Secondly, owing to the legalization of arms and lack of control, many people have died. Indeed, there has been and there will be many more killings in the United States. For example, the Las Vegas massacre that took place in October 2017, which left several hundreds dead, or killings in schools and universities. But there is too every years, lot of accident in houses.
For this reason, the families of the victims organized manifestation against people who are for guns.
the Brady Campaign wants to expand background checks to all gun sales.
Buyer's identity would be control to avoid accident.
American Mothers are fed up with gun violence as a result they created a Mother's Bill of rights. The million mom March joined the Brady campaign on order to be stronger, and this two association fight against Trump for forbid possession of a firearms.
To conclud, firearms don't kill people. People kill others people. In united states, the people are fighting more and more, because they fed up to arm power.
Trump wants to allow teachers to have weapons, even in class, to protect students if there is one problem. But for me it's not a solution, it's just an escalation of violence.
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 09-05-2018 23:10
Réponse : Bac/places and forms of power de delf2312, postée le 10-05-2018 à 11:18:27 (S | E)
This power can be political type (je veux ici indiquer "peut être un pouvoir politique du type" mais je ne sais pas trop comment le rendre en anglais), consented to a democracy or imposed by power, as a dictatorship for example.(Pourquoi ne pas dire tout simplement, this power can be political, for example a democracy.)
But the notion of power also conveys influences from another type (je ne comprends pas bien l'expression "conveys influence" mais c'est peut-être juste moi ^^) , such as economic, cultural power. In relation with this noccion, we will see (deal with ? talk about ? tackle the topic of...) the gun power in United States.
To begin with, I'm going to make a brief reminder
Firstelly ??, In the US, there are virtually as many guns as there are people, whereas in Japan for example, most kinds of guns are illegal, and almost no one owns a gun.
This makes firearm injuries one of the top ten causes of death in the US.
Indeed, Parents offer firearms to their children, even if they are very small, weapons often with real weapons (c'est-à-dire ? avec des vraies balles ?). The children learn
Moreover the NRA 's goal (National Rifle Association) is to promote the legal use of firearms and protect the rights of US citizens to bear arms.
Here is what the second amendment says:
"A well regulated militia, being necessary to the security of free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringet."
the right to bear arms was nessary in the time of the cowboys and Indians and during the gold rush for example bus Auxiliaire? it justified nowadays ?
Because of powerful lobbies sush as the NRA Trump (c'est la 1ère fois que tu le mentionne, même si ton correcteur le sait, je pense qu'il est bien de préciser qui c'est et surtout de faire précéder de la mention "mister" ou "president" ) can't restrict gun ownership.
On top of that, It's very easy to own a gun firearms are sold in supermarket.
Secondly, owing to the legalization of arms and lack of control, many people have died. Indeed, there has been and there will be many more killings in the United States. For example, the Las Vegas massacre that took place in October 2017, which left several hundreds dead, or killings in schools and universities. But there is too every years, lot of accident in houses.(phrase mal construite)
For this reason, the families of the victims organized manifestation against people who are for guns.
the Brady Campaign wants to expand background checks to all gun sales.
Buyer's identity would be control (participe passé ?) to avoid accident.
American Mothers are fed up with gun violence as a result they created a Mother's Bill of rights. The A? million moms March joined the Brady campaign on order to be stronger, and this (plural ?) two association fight against Trump for (traduction de "pour" : TO + Verb ; FOR + N) forbid possession of
To conclud, firearms don't kill people. People kill other
Trump wants to allow teachers to have weapons, even in class, to protect students if there is one problem. But for me it's not a solution, it's just an escalation of violence.
Voilà, j'espère t'avoir aidé. Il y a quand même un certain nombre d'erreurs mais il ne faut pas non plus trop se mettre la pression avec ça, c'est un oral: le plus important est la prononciation, l'accentuation, le fait que tu maîtrise ou non ton propos.
Aussi, mais à vérifier auprès de tes profs, je te conseillerais de citer tes sources lorsque tu donne des infos (par exemple : l'info que tu donne sur le Japon, est ce toi qui la trouvé ou bien vous avez étudié un document en classe ?)
Allez bon courage ! Everything is gonna be all right !
Réponse : Bac/places and forms of power de chamcham, postée le 10-05-2018 à 12:14:05 (S | E)
Merci beaucoup pour toutes ces corrections et pour le temps passé à le faire ! Je prends en comptes vos remarques. J'espère qu'avec cela j'aurais une super note à mon bac
Réponse : Bac/places and forms of power de gerold, postée le 10-05-2018 à 13:03:43 (S | E)
Bonjour,
j'ajoute quelques remarques:
why there are so many weapons : pas as, ce n'est pas un comparatif
the situation actual: actual ne signifie pas actuel et, en plus, les adjectifs épithètes se placent avant le nom.
a slam wrote by you: wrote n'est pas le participe passé de to write.
Réponse : Bac/places and forms of power de gerold, postée le 10-05-2018 à 15:00:22 (S | E)
This power can be political , for example a democracy or imposed by power,*: vous écrivez ce pouvoir ... peut être imposé par le pouvoir!!*as a dictatorship for example.
...cultural power. In relation with this *nocion, *peut-être de l'espagnol?*
we will talk about the gun power in *article* United States.
To begin with, I'm going to make a brief reminder of why there are so *much weapons in USA, then I will describe * much est incorrect, weapons est comptable*
the current situation and finally I will *delivered *mauvaise forme a slam *wroten vérifiez le participe passé you (écrit par vous ? => il a etait ecrit par ma professeur et je voulais rendre compte du vouvoiement)"about this violence....
Indeed, Parents offer firearms to their children, even if they are very small, weapons often with real weapons (c'est-à-dire? avec des vraies balles ? => c'est ce que j'ai essayé d'exprimer ! => les parents offrent des armes aux enfants, même si ils sont très petits (cf. Les enfants), avecde vrais balles dedans). *real weapons tout simplement, vous ne pouvez pas tirer de vraies balles avec de faux fusils* ...
Moreover the NRA 's goal (National Rifle Association) is to promote the legal use of firearms and protect the rights of US citizens to bear arms.
Here is what the second amendment says:"A well regulated militia, being necessary to the security of free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringet." *infringed* the right to bear arms was *nessary* in the time of the cowboys and Indians and during the gold rush for example but is it justified nowadays ?
Because of powerful lobbies *sush* as the NRA President Trump can't restrict gun ownership.
On top of that, It's very easy to own a gun *il faut une liaison ici, p. ex. parce que* firearms are sold in supermarket.....
Indeed, there has been and there will be many more killings in the United States. For example, the Las Vegas massacre that took place in October 2017, *which* which n'a pas de sens ici* left several hundreds dead, or killings in schools and universities. But there are lot of accidents in houses every *years every entraîne le singulier*.
...
Buyer's identity would be controlling *ce n'est pas la bonne forme*to avoid accident.
American Mothers are fed up with gun violence as a result they created a Mother's Bill of rights. The Million Moms March joined the Brady campaign *on autre prèposition* order to
be stronger, and these two *association il manque quelque chose* fight against Trump to forbid possession
of *a à enlever*firearms.
To *conclud orthographe*, firearms don't kill people. People kill *others c'est un adjectif, donc invariable* people.
In the United States, the people are fighting more and more, because they *fed up to vous avez employé la bonne forme avant* arm power (what do you mean ? => les gens se battent
de plus en plus (contre le 2eme ammendement*traduisez ces mots, sinon ce n'est pas clair*), parce qu'ils en ont marre du pouvoir des armes.
Trump wants to allow teachers to have weapons, even in class, to protect students if there is one problem. But for me it's not a solution, it's just an escalation of violence
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