Essai/TV programme

Essai/TV programme
Message de bbj17 posté le 19-05-2018 à 13:13:31 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
Pouvez-vous corriger mon texte s'il vous plait? Je suis en classe de Première S et j’ai un travail avec la consigne suivante :
Write about a television programme that you find particularly inspiring. Choose any domain : arts, sport, travel, science, thecnology, cooking, ect. 150 words minimum – 300 maximum


The Olympics have existed since antiquity and today it bring together 10 500 athletes, 26 disciplines, 205 delegations and followed by 2 billion people across the planet.
In these games, I appreciate the three fundamental values that are: excellence, friendship and respect.
The fist, excellence is about giving the best of oneself, on the ground. It's not just about winning, it's about getting involved, making progress. The second, friendship is composed of solidarity, team spirit, joy and optimism. And the third there is the value of respect; respect your body, respect others and rules, as well as the environment and the fight against doping.

The Olympic Games start with a great show, where every two years (summer and winter) each organizing country exposes its culture, its history. Then the sports delegations come to their turn in the stadium with their flag. The ceremony continue with the symbolic release of the Doves of Peace. The highest official of the host nation announce the opening of the games and  athletes say the oath Olympic. Then the torch go inside stadium and ignite Olympic cauldron. The ceremonie end with fireworks that launch the fifteen sports competitions.

During this period, I like to discover sports of which I did not know the rules, the discovery of the history of the country, the grandeur and the beauty of the infrastructure. But also the quality of the transcription of the event with zooms, overview. Thanks to the different images, we see the athlete very close and we feel vibrated at the same time as him as well in the pain, the disappointment, the effort and the joy of the athlete who wins with the podium, the anthem of his country and the presentation of medal.

Merci d’avance pour vos réponses.

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Modifié par lucile83 le 19-05-2018 23:07

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Réponse : Essai/TV programme de laure95, postée le 19-05-2018 à 15:06:38 (S | E)
Bonjour,
- today it bring (faute de conjugaison)together 10 500 athletes,
- across the planet: ou all over the world.
- The fist, excellence is about giving the best of oneself, on the ground .
- It's (pas de contraction à l'écrit)not just about winning, it's (même remarque)about getting involved
- The second, friendship is composed of solidarity, (article)team spirit, joy and optimism.
- And (pas en début de phrase)

- (mettre un mot de liaison)The Olympic Games (ajouter always)start with a great show, where every two years ((article)summer and winter)
- Then the sports (pas de s)delegations come to their turn (mal dit) in the stadium with their flag (pluriel).
- The ceremony continue (faute de conjugaison)with the symbolic release of the Doves of Peace.
- The highest official of the host nation announce (faute de conjugaison)the opening of the games
- Then (mettre un synonyme) the torch go (faute de conjugaison et en plus, la flamme ne va pas toute seule) inside (article)stadium and ignite (faute de conjugaison)(article) Olympic cauldron.
- The ceremonie (faute d'orthographe) end (faute de conjugaison)with fireworks that launch the fifteen sports (pas de s) competitions.

-During this period, I like to discover sports of (pas de of)which I did (présent)not know the rules
- the infrastructure: mettre au pluriel.
- But (pas de majuscule) also the quality of the transcription of the event with zooms, overview (pluriel).
- we (can)see the athlete (pluriel) very close
- and we feel vibrated at the same time as him or her)as well in the pain
- the anthem of his (or her)country and the presentation of (article)medal pluriel).

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Réponse : Essai/TV programme de bbj17, postée le 19-05-2018 à 19:28:52 (S | E)
Bonsoir,

The Olympics have existed since antiquity and today it brings together 10 500 athletes, 26 disciplines, 205 delegations and followed by 2 billion people all over the world.
In these games, I appreciate the three fundamental values that are: excellence, friendship and respect.
The first, excellence is about giving the best of oneself on the ground. It is not just about winning, it is about getting involved, making progress. The second, friendship is composed of solidarity, the team spirit, joy and optimism. The third there is the value of respect; respect your body, respect others and rules, as well as the environment and the fight against doping.

To enter the festive tone of the Games, the event always start with a great show, where every two years ( the summer and the winter) each organizing country exposes its culture, its history. Then the sport delegations come in their turn in the stadium with their flags. The ceremony continues with the symbolic release of the Doves of Peace. The highest official of the host nation announces the opening of the games and  athletes say the oath Olympic. Next, an athlete is chosen to take the flame into the stadium and light up the Olympic cauldron. The ceremony ends with fireworks that launch the fifteen sport competitions.

During this period, I like to discover sports which I do not know the rules, the discovery of the history of the country, the grandeur and the beauty of the infrastructures. but also the quality of the transcription of the event with zooms, overviews. Thanks to the different images, we can see the athletes very close and we feel vibrated at the same time as him (or her) as well in the pain, the disappointment, the effort and the joy of the athlete who wins with the podium, the anthem of his (or her) country and the presentation of the medals.

Merci d'avance

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