Correction/ motivation

Correction/ motivation
Message de hoch posté le 15-09-2020 à 10:11:55 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,

Je dois envoyer une lettre de motivation en anglais, et j'aimerais savoir si une bonne âme pourrait me la corriger.
Merci beaucoup pour vos réponses

Dear sir or madam,

As an experienced stadium manager, my hope is to join an International organisation in order to have a multicultural experience in sport area. To achieve this aim, I need to improve my language skill, specifically my English speaking and writing.
I think Erasmus + represents a great opportunity to reach English fluency. With the Pandemic, there is no job offer so I have to use this particular time in order to do other things which could help me in the future to find a good job in a multicultural environment.
In this project, it is really important to get an internship related to my work area.
Having worked at Reims stadium for twelve years and played my part in the institution’s resurgence, I have extensive experience in events management. I have been involved in the organisation of approximately 300 football fixtures. I enjoy leading and training other members of staff to foster greater team work and the achievement of fixed goals.
I like challenges. The best example is undoubtedly the construction of the Raymond Kopa training center, which was accomplished in under 12 months.

I would like to thank you for taking the time to read this letter and remain entirely at your disposal to discuss any element of my application in more detail wherever necessary.

Wishing you my very best regards.


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Modifié par lucile83 le 15-09-2020 11:43
Forum

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Réponse : Correction/ motivation de lucile83, postée le 20-09-2020 à 07:15:32 (S | E)
Anyone?

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Réponse : Correction/ motivation de teacher83, postée le 20-09-2020 à 07:31:14 (S | E)
Bonjour,

Je ne sais pas comment il faut aider les membres, si on doit corriger ou indiquer ce qui est à améliorer. En attendant, voici les petites choses à corriger que j'ai remarqué

'Dear sir or madam,

As an experienced stadium manager, my hope is to join an International organisation in order to have a multicultural experience in sport area. To achieve this aim, I need to improve my language skill, specifically my English speaking and writing (ici l’expression ne fonctionne pas, je mettrais sous forme adjectif + nom).
I think Erasmus + represents a great opportunity to reach English fluency. With the Pandemic, there is no job offer( no + pluriel dénombrable, donc je mettrais tout au pluriel) so I have to use this particular time in order to do other things which could help me in the future to find a good job in a multicultural environment.
In this project, it is really important to get an internship related to my work area.
Having worked at Reims stadium for twelve years and played my part in the institution’s resurgence, I have extensive experience in events management. I have been involved in the organisation of approximately 300 football fixtures. I enjoy leading and training other members of staff to foster greater team work and the achievement of fixed goals.
I like challenges. The best example is undoubtedly the construction of the Raymond Kopa training center, which was accomplished in under ( ici, je dirais ‘ in less than 12….’) 12 months.

I would like to thank you for taking the time to read this letter and remain entirely at your disposal to discuss any element of my application in more detail wherever necessary. '


Je ne vois pas de ' grande erreur'!

Teacher83

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Modifié par teacher83 le 20-09-2020 07:31

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Réponse : Correction/ motivation de sneaky13, postée le 20-09-2020 à 08:14:11 (S | E)
Bonjour,
As an experienced stadium manager, my hope is to join an International organisation(organization) in order to have (I suggest "to acquire") a multicultural experience in sport area.
I need to improve my language skill (skills)

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