Correction d'une lettre (1)

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Correction d'une lettre
Message de aurore22 posté le 27-07-2008 à 17:28:19 (S | E | F)
coucou
je suis une petite francaise qui voudrait postuler (a) pour un job à l'étranger et j'aurais besoin d'aide pour corriger cette lettre d'information.

I’m a French of 18 years old who is found of Briksdalbreen, and all the Norway in general.
Now it does 13 years old that I come all the years in Norway during summer, and sometimes in winter.
I have visited all the years the Briksdalbreen’s region and we always do the excursion for observed the breen.
We could see the differences of a year since an other ( d’une année a l’autre).
I’m asking if the souvenir shop take on employee for the holidays of summer .
If it’s possible can you explain me what are the conditions necessary for have the possibility to be employed.
I come to obtend my baccalaureat ( school leaving certificate)scientific, with 3 languages english, deutsch and spanish, and of course french my native language.
In September , I’m going to begin my biological degree. I would like to work a little during summer in place who combine nature in a foreign country.
It could be a very rewarding experience for my future work.
Thank you very much for the attention that you are going to carry to my request. I hope to have a repply soon.

merci d'avance de votre aide
aurore

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Modifié par bridg le 27-07-2008 17:34
courrier / divers

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Réponse: Correction d'une lettre de port58, postée le 27-07-2008 à 17:57:41 (S | E)
Bonjour,

petites corrections à voir, il y en a d'autres :
- 1ère ligne, confusion entre found et fond of
- 2ème ligne, 13 years old : pas pour une durée
- for + p. passé ou infinitif : impossible

Port58

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Réponse: Correction d'une lettre de aurore22, postée le 27-07-2008 à 18:23:36 (S | E)
merci beaucoup pour ton aide !!!
mais comment peut on dire the conditions necesary for have the possibility en enlevant le for ???
sinon le reste est juste ???
merci encore
aurore

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Réponse: Correction d'une lettre de nick27, postée le 27-07-2008 à 18:51:18 (S | E)
I’m a French of 18 years old who is found of Briksdalbreen, and all the Norway in general.

=> I'm an 18-year-old girl from France who is ...


Now it does 13 years old that I come all the years in Norway during summer, and sometimes in winter.
=> A revoir complètement
=> "to go TO Norway"
=> during summer => in summer


I have visited all the years the Briksdalbreen’s region (area) and we always do the excursion for observed the breen.
=> "all the years" => every year
=> to go on an excursion
=> breen ????
=> observer les oiseaux = to do birdwatching

We could see the differences of a year since an other ( d’une année a l’autre).
=> We could notice straight away the difference from one year to another


I’m asking if the souvenir shop take on employee for the holidays of summer.
=> "employer" => to hire
=> Summer vacation ou summer holiday

If it’s possible can you explain me what are the conditions necessary for have the possibility to be employed.
=> to explain TO someone
=> "are" doit être à la fin



I come to obtend my baccalaureate ( school leaving certificate)scientific, with 3 languages english, deutsch and spanish, and of course french my native language.
=> "to get"



In September , I’m going to begin my biological degree. I would like to work a little bit during summer in a place who combine nature in a foreign country.



It could be a very rewarding experience for my future (work).


Thank you very much for the attention that you are going to carry to my request. I hope to have a repply soon.

"thank you very much for the attention to my request"
I hope to get a reply from you soon

Beaucoup de choses à corriger!
J'espère ne pas avoir oublié de fautes
Courage

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