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familial house/correction
Message de mauuudiiinette posté le 14-11-2009 à 17:19:48 (S | E | F)
Can somebody correct this short text please ?
"The familial house seems the perfect place to live. But, as parents said, we can’t stay forever. So one day or another, everyone must say good bye to the friendly protection of the Mum and Dad’s house, and have to take his courage in both hands to move in his own flat . However it is a dream for a lot of tennargers ! The most seriously can say that they can finally take their own responsability, and they will be very proud of that because it is one of the multiple steps of the young adult's life ! They are happy too, because they can work peacefully. Contrary to, others, who are less wellbehaved, are thinking that they can be finally in peace . Now, there is nobody to annoy us, nobody to check our homework, nobody to say that we can't eat a pizza at midnight, nobody to prevent us to watch TV all the day . We can now do what we want, when we want, so may this new way of life bring us everything we could wish for : freedom to sum up !
To leave on our own seems to be perfect for teenagers like us, untill that missed us to make a new lovely haicut to pretencious platinium blonde barbiedoll to tease our irritating younger sisters. In spite of their unmageanable tantrums, their awful jokes, and their foibles, we realise that these little crybaby missed us a lot ! As long as we were still at the famillial house all get on us nerve but in fact they are indispensable to us. That's why in the quiet of our flat the lonelyness seize us ! And if they will forget us ? And if they will leave whithout us for ever ? What we'll we do ? How we'll we survive ? Certainly we already have unfortunatetly to do the dishes, to sweep the floor, to cook the dinner, and to wash stinking socks, but if it is for together … What a disaster ! Moms , Dads , we actually want to come back home ! "
Thank you
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Edited by bridg on 14-11-2009 17:20
titre / forum
Message de mauuudiiinette posté le 14-11-2009 à 17:19:48 (S | E | F)
Can somebody correct this short text please ?
"The familial house seems the perfect place to live. But, as parents said, we can’t stay forever. So one day or another, everyone must say good bye to the friendly protection of the Mum and Dad’s house, and have to take his courage in both hands to move in his own flat . However it is a dream for a lot of tennargers ! The most seriously can say that they can finally take their own responsability, and they will be very proud of that because it is one of the multiple steps of the young adult's life ! They are happy too, because they can work peacefully. Contrary to, others, who are less wellbehaved, are thinking that they can be finally in peace . Now, there is nobody to annoy us, nobody to check our homework, nobody to say that we can't eat a pizza at midnight, nobody to prevent us to watch TV all the day . We can now do what we want, when we want, so may this new way of life bring us everything we could wish for : freedom to sum up !
To leave on our own seems to be perfect for teenagers like us, untill that missed us to make a new lovely haicut to pretencious platinium blonde barbiedoll to tease our irritating younger sisters. In spite of their unmageanable tantrums, their awful jokes, and their foibles, we realise that these little crybaby missed us a lot ! As long as we were still at the famillial house all get on us nerve but in fact they are indispensable to us. That's why in the quiet of our flat the lonelyness seize us ! And if they will forget us ? And if they will leave whithout us for ever ? What we'll we do ? How we'll we survive ? Certainly we already have unfortunatetly to do the dishes, to sweep the floor, to cook the dinner, and to wash stinking socks, but if it is for together … What a disaster ! Moms , Dads , we actually want to come back home ! "
Thank you
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Edited by bridg on 14-11-2009 17:20
titre / forum
Réponse: familial house/correction de seb06000, postée le 14-11-2009 à 17:30:37 (S | E)
bonsoir,
je vous laisse les indications de correction
"The familial (calque du français) house seems the perfect place to live( il manque une préposition avec le verbe to live ). But, as parents said, we can’t stay forever. So one day or another, everyone must say good bye to the friendly protection of the Mum and Dad’s house, and have to take his courage in both hands( calque) to move in his own flat . However it is a dream for a lot of tennargers (ortho) ! The most seriously( c'est l'adverbe ici, vous avez besoin de l'adjectif, pensez à préciser à quoi renvoie cet adjectif ) can say that they can finally take their own responsability, and they will be very proud of that because it is one of the multiple steps of the young adult's life ! They are happy too, because they can work peacefully. Contrary to, others, who are less wellbehaved, are thinking that they can be finally in peace . Now, there is nobody to annoy us, nobody to check our homework, nobody to say that we can't eat a pizza at midnight, nobody to prevent us to watch TV all the day (article inutile) . We can now do what we want, when we want, so may this new way of life bring us everything we could wish for : freedom to sum up !
To leave (voc)on our own seems to be perfect for teenagers like us, untill (ortho) that (erreur de relatif) missed us to make a new lovely haicut to pretencious platinium blonde barbiedoll to tease our irritating younger sisters. In spite of their unmageanable (ortho) tantrums, their awful jokes, and their foibles, we realise that these little crybaby
missed us a lot ! As long as we were still at the famillial house all get on us nerve but in fact they are indispensable to us. That's why in the quiet (c'est l'adjectif, il faut le nom) of our flat the lonelyness seize us ! And if they will forget us ? And if they will leave whithout us for ever ? What we'll we do ? How we'll we survive ? (choix du temps et construction de l'interrogative à revoir) Certainly we already have unfortunatetly to do the dishes, to sweep the floor, to cook the dinner, and to wash stinking socks, but if it is for together … What a disaster ! Moms , Dads , we actually want to come back home !Voilà n'hésitez pas si souci!
Amicalement
sebastien
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Modifié par seb06000 le 14-11-2009 17:30
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