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Cartoon / correction.
Message de dilinedu62 posté le 17-11-2009 à 10:28:36 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,j'aimerais bien savoir s'il y a des fautes dans ma rédaction.
The cartoon represents five persons whose an Indian and four persons of white race. These are not on their lands. These lands belong to Indians. The corn is mentioned because Indians discovered her culture and thus cultivate it in their lands. The indians of North America helped to save their colonialist an almost sure famine during their first winters in America by giving them some corn to eat. Indian then taught to the colonialists how to cultivate the corn,by sowing corns. they also shared with tem their methods to prepare the corn. It takes place in the XVII century.
The whites bring with them a small bag, that they want to exchange the bag against the corn where to pay the right to stay on this lands.
I waits read in this test is the history of the creation of the American Nation.
Merci beaucoup d'avance d'avoir pris le temps de me répondre et d'avoir corrigé mes fautes.
Bisou ''
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Modifié par bridg le 17-11-2009 11:43
Message de dilinedu62 posté le 17-11-2009 à 10:28:36 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,j'aimerais bien savoir s'il y a des fautes dans ma rédaction.
The cartoon represents five persons whose an Indian and four persons of white race. These are not on their lands. These lands belong to Indians. The corn is mentioned because Indians discovered her culture and thus cultivate it in their lands. The indians of North America helped to save their colonialist an almost sure famine during their first winters in America by giving them some corn to eat. Indian then taught to the colonialists how to cultivate the corn,by sowing corns. they also shared with tem their methods to prepare the corn. It takes place in the XVII century.
The whites bring with them a small bag, that they want to exchange the bag against the corn where to pay the right to stay on this lands.
I waits read in this test is the history of the creation of the American Nation.
Merci beaucoup d'avance d'avoir pris le temps de me répondre et d'avoir corrigé mes fautes.
Bisou ''
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Modifié par bridg le 17-11-2009 11:43
Réponse: Cartoon / correction. de cecil_ward, postée le 17-11-2009 à 11:58:10 (S | E)
"The cartoon represents five persons"
- I'm not happy with the use of this plural "persons". The word "person" is not normally seen in the plural, normally the word "people" is used. (You can compare this with "suppletive" verb paradigms such as "go" - "went"). So "five people"
The word "whose" is not correct here, perhaps you mean
"five people who are an Indian and..."
The expression of "white race" is awkward here. (Although people do say "of mixed race", but that's the only such usage that I can think of.) Something simpler and more natural would be "four white people".
"These are not on their lands" - needs to be "they are"
Lands should not be plural unless you mean that there are multiple territories or areas and some people are in different areas from the others.
"hepled to save their colonialist" - I assume this should be "the" not "their".
The word you need here is "colonist".
"save .. an almost sure" - requires "from" after "save". examples : I saved him from a fate worse than death. She saved the child from drowning.
(Without "from", save has a range of other meanings: examples:
I saved you a seat. (reserved or held a seat for someone to sit on).
I saved fifty pounds by buying it elsewhere. (succeeded in spending less money).
I saved a thousand pounds. (ambiguous: means either "built up an amount of money" or could "mean spent less money")
"almost sure x" - needs to be "almost certain x". This is because the "certain x", is a conventionalized expression, but you can't say "sure x".
I saved her from certain death.
*I saved her from sure death. (ungrammatical)
"a corn" (and its plural "corns") means "a callus of dead skin on the foot". [!]
"corns" is ungrammatical in the sense needed here. "corn" in the sense needed here, "cereal" does not have a plural or a singular, it's a non-count noun (or mass noun) like milk, petrol, charity.
"taught to" - simply "taught" (no "to"). (Unlike "speak to (hearer)" and "listen to (speaker)" - unfortunately it's very inconsistent.
After the verb "teach" the noun phrase that refers to the learner is not marked by to. You could be thinking of the _subject_ after "taught" :
I taught her well. ("her" is the learner)
*I taught her well. (ungrammatical)
I taught her to dance.
I taught her how to dance.
I taught mathematics for five years.
"It takes place" - "it" seems awkward here. Perhaps "this" is better. It is not usual to use roman numerals for centuries in English - use "17th century" or "seventeenth century".
"The whites" - is awkward. I would need to think more about why. "the white people" is more natural here, and is "safer". (Note: Do not use the phrase "the blacks" - could be offensive. Use "black people" instead. This is probably part of the reason why "the whites" feels awkward.)
"that they want to exchange the bag" - must not repeat the word "bag" after the relativizer "that". change to "a small bag that they want to exchange for". No comma before "that" as relativizer.
"exchange against" - must be "exchange for".
"where to pay the right" - don't understand this.
"I waits read" - don't understand this.
"in this test" - don't understand this.
Réponse: Cartoon / correction. de dilinedu62, postée le 18-11-2009 à 22:57:08 (S | E)
Réponse: Cartoon / correction. de bsnlolo, postée le 19-11-2009 à 11:33:13 (S | E)
Bonjour,
Un complément à correction de dilinedu62
The cartoon represents five persons whose an Indian and four persons of white race
Si tu souhaitais dire: "... représente 5 personnes dont un indien et 4 blancs"
Cela pourrait donner : "The cartoon represents 5 persons, one of whom was Indian and (the others were white people) (je ne suis pas sur de cette partie la, mais c'est pour faire un exemple)"
Amicalement,
LoLo
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