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Corriger/change one's life
Message de kiwianglais posté le 02-01-2010 à 11:41:51 (S | E | F)
Bonjour
Alors voilà, j'ai fait une rédaction en anglais mais je ne sais pas si j'ai des fautes, je voulais vous demander si vous pouviez me corriger s'il y en asvp s'il vous plaît; merci pour vos réponses..
Texte:
Before telling you the story wich shows that an encounter can change one's life I would like to say that we live in a society where it's difficult to live without meeting people day after day, just in the small road wich leads us to the high school, we can make an encounter.
I was 13 years old at the time.It was when I was going to take the boat for the first time.I admit that I didn't very want it because I hate the marine animals, to be seasick and especially I don't like boats, because having seen the film of the TITANIC, I didn't want that the boat flows too.I remember taken it in Marseille direction Oran, a city of Algeria. I also remember myself that inside the boat It had a smell of dirty sock there. My mother thus had me to suggest going to take the sight on the bridge of the boat.It's true that on the bridge, the smell was better. I sat on a deckchair to sunbathe, when suddenly I uderstood a person who spoke in English, saying "Hey girl come here".I so approached me this person who was, in fact, the captain of the boat.He invited me in his cockpit and presented me three colleagues to him.While speaking English,he asked me for my name,for my age and where I lived.Having answered him,he proposed me some orange juice.And we are said ourselves goodbye.He had promised me to make the return of the journey with me,but I have never seen again him.And today,thanks to him,I like travelling by boat,I like contemplating the sea and discover what it hides.And, about the film TITANIC, I can say that it is not everything the boats wich flow.In fact, if I had refused of take the boat, if I was not to go on the bridge of the boat and especially If I hadn't known this captain, I shall still guard and always a negative vision of the navigation.
As a conclusion, I would like to say that every person you meet can change your life if you take time to listen him.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 02-01-2010 11:42
Message de kiwianglais posté le 02-01-2010 à 11:41:51 (S | E | F)
Bonjour
Alors voilà, j'ai fait une rédaction en anglais mais je ne sais pas si j'ai des fautes, je voulais vous demander si vous pouviez me corriger s'il y en a
Texte:
Before telling you the story wich shows that an encounter can change one's life I would like to say that we live in a society where it's difficult to live without meeting people day after day, just in the small road wich leads us to the high school, we can make an encounter.
I was 13 years old at the time.It was when I was going to take the boat for the first time.I admit that I didn't very want it because I hate the marine animals, to be seasick and especially I don't like boats, because having seen the film of the TITANIC, I didn't want that the boat flows too.I remember taken it in Marseille direction Oran, a city of Algeria. I also remember myself that inside the boat It had a smell of dirty sock there. My mother thus had me to suggest going to take the sight on the bridge of the boat.It's true that on the bridge, the smell was better. I sat on a deckchair to sunbathe, when suddenly I uderstood a person who spoke in English, saying "Hey girl come here".I so approached me this person who was, in fact, the captain of the boat.He invited me in his cockpit and presented me three colleagues to him.While speaking English,he asked me for my name,for my age and where I lived.Having answered him,he proposed me some orange juice.And we are said ourselves goodbye.He had promised me to make the return of the journey with me,but I have never seen again him.And today,thanks to him,I like travelling by boat,I like contemplating the sea and discover what it hides.And, about the film TITANIC, I can say that it is not everything the boats wich flow.In fact, if I had refused of take the boat, if I was not to go on the bridge of the boat and especially If I hadn't known this captain, I shall still guard and always a negative vision of the navigation.
As a conclusion, I would like to say that every person you meet can change your life if you take time to listen him.
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 02-01-2010 11:42
Réponse: Corriger/change one's life de gerondif, postée le 02-01-2010 à 12:07:32 (S | E)
Bonjour,
Before telling you the story wich(orthographe) shows that an encounter can change one's life I would like to say that we live in a society where it's difficult to live without meeting people day after day, just (maladroit: cherchez en chemin pour avec le mot way)in the small road wich leads us to the high school, we can make an encounter.
I was 13 years old at the time.It was when I was going to take the boat for the first time.I admit that I didn't very(ne s'pplique pas au verbe) want it because I hate the(à supprimer: on parle en général) marine animals (sea animals), to be seasick and especially I don't like boats, because having seen the film of the (about: au sujet de)TITANIC, I didn't want that the boat flows( to sink: sombrer, couler. construction de to want: I don't want you to speak) too.I remember taken(participe présent ici) it in Marseille direction Oran, a city of Algeria. I also remember myself(supprimer) that inside the boat It had (expression il y a : there is)a smell of dirty sock there. My mother thus had me to suggest (construction à modifier)going to take the sight on the bridge of the boat.It's true that on the bridge, the smell was better. I sat on a deckchair to sunbathe, when suddenly I uderstood(remplacer par j'entendis, prétérit de to hear) a person who spoke in English, saying "Hey girl come here".I so approached me (français traduit)this person who was, in fact, the captain of the boat.He invited me in his cockpit and presented me three colleagues to him(français traduit: traduire: présenta trois de ses collègues à moi).While'à supprimmer, inutile d'insister sur la durée) speaking English,he asked me for my name,for my age and where I lived.Having(ce verbe va se rapporter au capitaine, mieuw vaut dire après que , after + prétérit) answered him,he proposed me some orange juice.And we are said ourselves(supprimer) goodbye.He had promised me to make the return of the (supprimer)journey with me,but I have never seen again him(le prétérit irait mieux).And today,thanks to him,I like travelling by boat,I like contemplating the sea and discovering what it hides.And, about the film TITANIC, I can say that it is not everything the boats wich flow.In fact, if I had refused of take the boat, if I was not to go (mettre le plus que parfait du verbe aller)on the bridge of the boat and especially If I hadn't known this captain, I shall still guard (j'aurais toujours gardé: conditionnel passé du verbe to keep)and always a negative vision of the navigation.
As a conclusion, I would like to say that every person you meet can change your life if you take time to listen to him.'construction du verbe écouter)
Réponse: Corriger/change one's life de kiwianglais, postée le 02-01-2010 à 14:20:04 (S | E)
Merci pour ton aide,
Donc:
=> pour le wich, l'orthographe va être "which"?
=>ensuite, pour la phrase "just in the small road wich leads us to the high school, we can make an encounter." mon idée était de dire que "Juste sur le petit chemin qui mène au lycée, nous pouvons faire une rencontre"
=> pour la phrase "I didn't want that the boat flows" je la change en mettant
"I don't want it to sink"?
=> "taken" au participe présent donnera "take"?
=> "direction" se traduit bien par "direction" en anglais,non?
=> pour la phrase "My mother thus had me to suggest going to" je propose "My mother proposes me of going to..."
=> pour le bout de phrase "approached me" vous m'aviez écrit "(français traduit)" qu'est-ce que je dois faire? et pareil pour "presented me three colleagues to him" "(français traduit: traduire: présenta trois de ses collègues à moi)." je ne vois pas comment changer la phrase =S
=> "I have never seen again him" au prétérit je ne vois pas ce que sa ferais =S
=> pour le "wich flow." je le change en "which sick"?
=> "I was not to go" au plus que parfait sa va donne quoi=S?
=> pour "I shall still guard" vous m'aviez conseiller de mettre le conditionnel passé du verbe to keep, mais je vois pas comment =S
Réponse: Corriger/change one's life de gerondif, postée le 02-01-2010 à 20:16:07 (S | E)
bonsoir,
=> "which"? ok !!
=>même le long du petit chemin qui mène à l'école: even along the small path (road, c'est trop gros) leading to school,
=> "I didn't want it to sink"?(prétérit)
=> "taken" au participe présent donnera "take"? non !! taking !
=> "direction" se traduit bien par "direction" en anglais,non? oui, mais c'est du français traduit; I remember taking the boat de .......Marseilles à ..... Oran.
=> "My mother proposes me of going to..."
prétérit: my mother (ask) me to go....
my mother (tell) me to go ..... my mother (advise)me to go....
traduire dans cet ordre la phrase: il présenta trois de ses collègues à moi et ça devrait aller.
=> "approached me" utilisez le verbe aller: je suis allé vers lui
=> "I have never seen again him" au prétérit je ne vois pas ce que ça ferait: regarder une liste de verbes irréguliers.
=> I can say that it is not everything the boats wich flow: si vous vouliez dire: ce n'est pas tous les jours que les bateaux coulent , traduisez dans cet ordre: les bateaux ne coulent pas tous les jours.
=> "I was not to go" au plus que parfait sa va donne quoi=S? la même chose que le temps que vous avez utilisé juste après (had known)
=> pour "I shall still guard" vous m'aviez conseiller de mettre le conditionnel passé du verbe to keep, mais je vois pas comment =S
je garderai: futur:
je garderais: conditionnel:
j'aurais gardé: conditionnel passé.
Réponse: Corriger/change one's life de kiwianglais, postée le 02-01-2010 à 21:38:11 (S | E)
Bonsoir,
=> "I have never seen again him" au prétérit je ne vois toujours pas ce que ça ferait =S
=> pour le ""I was not to go" je garderai le prétérit, non?
(PS: j'ai réussi le reste merci encore)
Réponse: Corriger/change one's life de gerondif, postée le 02-01-2010 à 22:14:02 (S | E)
Bonsoir,
c'est le problème de la concordance des temps:
S'il refuse de prendre le bateau, je n'insisterai pas: (futur)
If he refuses to take the boat, I won't insist.
S'il refusait, je n'insisterais pas: (conditionnel)
If he refused, I wouldn't insist.
S'il avait refusé, je n'aurais pas insisté: (conditionnel passé)
If he had refused, I wouldn't have insisted.
Si j'avais refusé de prendre le bateau, je n'aurais pas été sur le pont du bateau: (plus que parfait du verbe go: "je ne serais pas allé" mais avec l'auxiliaire avoir comme dans l'exemple)
Au fait, le verbe présenter quelqu'un , c'est plutôt "to introduce somebody".
to see, I saw, seen: Vous n'avez jamais vu ce genre de liste ?
to come, I came, come . venir
He had promised to come but he never came !
Imitez ce modèle:
He had promised to make the return journey with me but I ........ ........ .... again.
Réponse: Corriger/change one's life de kiwianglais, postée le 02-01-2010 à 22:26:20 (S | E)
re Bonsoir =) ,
=> pour le "I was not to go" sa donne "I hadn't to go"?
=> Et là ça va donner "He had promised to make the return journey with me but I never made again."?
Réponse: Corriger/change one's life de kiwianglais, postée le 02-01-2010 à 22:32:10 (S | E)
finalement s'est "If I wouldn't have been on the bridge of the boat" je pense
Réponse: Corriger/change one's life de gerondif, postée le 02-01-2010 à 22:52:09 (S | E)
On s'embrouille !!
je n'aurais pas insisté: (conditionnel passé)
I wouldn't have insisted.
I wouldn't have = je n'aurais pas + participe passé: insisted = insisté
je n'aurais pas été sur le pont : même chose:
I wouldn't have = je n'aurais pas + participe passé de to go
to go , I went , gone.
à vous de jouer. On va y arriver !
Réponse: Corriger/change one's life de pasco, postée le 03-01-2010 à 06:36:54 (S | E)
Je te conseillerai de lire aussi le principe d'utilisation de la ponctuation en anglais, plus tes phrases seront courte,mieux sera ton style.Evitez de faire de longes phrases sans separer les idees, utilise la vurgule, and etc...continue de faire un effort de ne plus commencer de reflechir en francais avant d'ecrire en anglais.Courage,tu n'es pas loin de faire des grandes choses!
Réponse: Corriger/change one's life de gerondif, postée le 03-01-2010 à 12:03:26 (S | E)
bonjour,
Je vois en relisant votre rédaction que je corrigeais une phrase qui n'est pas celle de votre texte:
Si j'avais refusé de prendre le bateau, je n'aurais pas été sur le pont du bateau.
alors que vous aviez écrit:
In fact, if I had refused (correct)to take the boat, if I was not to go (mettre le plus que parfait du verbe aller)on the bridge of the boat and especially If I hadn't known this captain, I shall still guard (j'aurais toujours gardé: conditionnel passé du verbe to keep)and always a negative vision of (the) navigation.
Si vous savez dire: "If I hadn't known this captain", vous devez pouvoir faire:
"If I hadn't ........ on the deck of the boat" en mettant le participe passé du verbe: to go, I went, gone.
Pour la phrase, "j'aurais toujours gardé une vision négative", on peut y accéder cran par cran:
J'aurai une vision négative: I will have a négative vision.(futur)
J'aurais toujours(au sens de encore aujourd'hui) une vision négative: I would still have a negative vision. (conditionnel: will devient would)
Cette phrase pourrait d'ailleurs convenir dans votre texte.
J'aurais toujours (au sens de continuellement) gardé une image négative:
ingrédients de cette galette grammaticale:
avoir au conditionnel: I would have.
toujours au sens de continuellement: always.
garder: to keep, I kept, kept.
je vous laisse la composition finale de cette phrase, proche de cet exemple précédent:
S'il avait refusé, je n'aurais jamais insisté: (conditionnel passé)
If he had refused, I would never have insisted.
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