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Rédaction/ ideal school
Message de lala63 posté le 23-01-2010 à 15:35:30 (S | E | F)
Bonjour tout le monde,j'ai une rédaction à faire et je voudrais savoir si vous pouvez me corriger s'il vous plait ?
Merci pour votre aide.
Voila ma rédaction,
My ideal school would be like that,
Firstly,in the hall of the building we can see lochers to the pupils put theirs personal belongigs and a Tv set above on the left.It's used to see the highschool's newscast presented by some students.The headmatser had this idea to talk about the next events like parties or marks.The dean sugested others ideas to the headmaster: Buy a laptop for each students to take notes more easily,all the pupils will must have a swipe card to take attendance or to eat at the canteen or pay food in the snack shop of the school.
Tough,there are limitations:The students must abide by the rules.For exemple, they can left school bethween two classes or during the break.Moreover any dresscode is applied so all dresses are allowed : The girls may wear dresses or heels for exemple.But it's forbidden smoke,no go to school volontary,drink and eat in the rooms.So the basic rules are applied.
During the classes,the teachers are very patient and fascinated by theirs subjects.
Each student may choose so many subjects he wants but minimum two mandatory which are maths and English.
So the student's schedule is very full.
The pupils are very generous and nice between them to a better atmospere than in others schools where it's not the case.Theirs parents can call the professors twice for week to get involved of theirs children's education.
Finally projects will organize to the students have more knowledge about others counrties like France or Italy.They would travel to see others places of the world by visiting musems or monuments once for month.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 23-01-2010 15:57
Message de lala63 posté le 23-01-2010 à 15:35:30 (S | E | F)
Bonjour tout le monde,j'ai une rédaction à faire et je voudrais savoir si vous pouvez me corriger s'il vous plait ?
Merci pour votre aide.
Voila ma rédaction,
My ideal school would be like that,
Firstly,in the hall of the building we can see lochers to the pupils put theirs personal belongigs and a Tv set above on the left.It's used to see the highschool's newscast presented by some students.The headmatser had this idea to talk about the next events like parties or marks.The dean sugested others ideas to the headmaster: Buy a laptop for each students to take notes more easily,all the pupils will must have a swipe card to take attendance or to eat at the canteen or pay food in the snack shop of the school.
Tough,there are limitations:The students must abide by the rules.For exemple, they can left school bethween two classes or during the break.Moreover any dresscode is applied so all dresses are allowed : The girls may wear dresses or heels for exemple.But it's forbidden smoke,no go to school volontary,drink and eat in the rooms.So the basic rules are applied.
During the classes,the teachers are very patient and fascinated by theirs subjects.
Each student may choose so many subjects he wants but minimum two mandatory which are maths and English.
So the student's schedule is very full.
The pupils are very generous and nice between them to a better atmospere than in others schools where it's not the case.Theirs parents can call the professors twice for week to get involved of theirs children's education.
Finally projects will organize to the students have more knowledge about others counrties like France or Italy.They would travel to see others places of the world by visiting musems or monuments once for month.
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 23-01-2010 15:57
Réponse: Rédaction/ ideal school de gabi26, postée le 24-01-2010 à 14:35:01 (S | E)
Bonjour,
Bon...il y a beaucoup de fautes mais ne te décourage pas. Certaines reviennent souvent comme "theirs!" ou "others!". Ca demandait une trop longue correction alors j'ai "colorié" ton texte.(il ne s'agit pas de code couleur, j'ai mis rouge ou vert au hasard)
Tu zappes certaines formes passives: exemples "des projets seront organisés" et non " des projets s'organiseront..."
Et tu ne maitrises pas l'idée de finalité comme dans "pour une meilleure ambiance" ...Essaie de chercher des équivalents des expressions "afin de", "dans le but de", "dans l'idée de"... Ou cherche dans le dico des structure en français simple pour retrouver leur équivalent en anglais. Exemple:
"autant de matières qu'il le souhaite" > Dico "autant de... que"
Par moment tu écris (je pense) comme tu parles, exemple: "...mais minimum deux obligatoires qui sont...", "des projets seront organisés pour...étudiants..acquérir plus de compétences...". Attention en anglais c'est maladroit et faux dans le même temps.
Il y aussi quelques erreurs de préposition "to get involved + ...sthg" > le dico, vite!
Allez! Courage!Au moins c'est du travail perso, alors persévère comme ça!Bye. Gabi
"My ideal school would be like that,
Firstly, in the hall of the building we can see lochers to the pupils put theirs personal belongigs and a Tv set above on the left.It's used to see the highschool's newscast presented by some students.The headmatser had this idea to talk about the next events like parties or marks.The dean sugested others ideas to the headmaster: Buy a laptop for each students to take notes more easily,all the pupils will must have a swipe card to take attendance or to eat at the canteen or pay food in the snack shop of the school.
Tough,there are limitations:The students must abide by the rules.For exemple, they can left school bethween two classes or during the break.Moreover any dresscode is applied so all dresses are allowed : The girls may wear dresses or heels for exemple.But it's forbidden smoke, no go to school volontary, drink and eat in the rooms.So the basic rules are applied.
During the classes,the teachers are very patient and fascinated by theirs subjects.
Each student may choose so many subjects he wants but minimum two mandatory which are maths and English.
So the student's schedule is very full.
The pupils are very generous and nice between them to a better atmospere than in others schools where it's not the case.Theirs parents can call the professors twice for week to get involved of theirs children's education.
Finally projects will organize to the students have more knowledge about others counrties like France or Italy.They would travel to see others places of the world by visiting musems or monuments once for month.
Réponse: Rédaction/ ideal school de schrein, postée le 24-01-2010 à 15:35:23 (S | E)
c'est exactement le sujet que j'ai donné à mes élèves cette semaine !!!mais le tien a trop de fautes ,en revanche une fois corrigé ce sera pas mal !!
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