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Message de lillyrose posté le 22-07-2010 à 13:28:47 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
j'ai un devoir à rendre noté,serait
I'd like to work abroad during the summer holidays, espescially in Australia.
I think it would be an interesting and enriching personnal experience.Work abroad means to get a better pay,a better job and all that in good conditions.The fact of working in faraway countries as Australia allow us to discover a new country(tourist places ,attractions,...),to orientate us toward new horizons(big plains,urban cities,natural landscape...),a new fauna and flora(kangaroo,koala,Great Barrier Reef...).Contrariwise,you have to master english,the language of the country in order to communicate with the other.
We could be sociable and know the language to integreate.Unfortunately,you have to don't be homesick.On the other hand,you must carry out many administratives steps to get a valable visa or passeport.We need to spend a lot of mony to travel(flight tickets,equipement...)
Finally to work abroad during the summer holidays is a way to have fun while woorking.
Je vous remercie d'avance
LillyROSE
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Modifié par bridg le 22-07-2010 13:49
titre
Réponse: Australia/Correction essai de violet91, postée le 22-07-2010 à 13:38:07 (S | E)
Hello lillyrose,
--I'd like to work abroad during the summer holidays, espescially in Australia.
I think it would be an interesting and enriching personnal experience.Work abroad means to get a better pay,a better job and all that in good conditions.The fact of working in faraway countries as Australia allow us to discover a new country(tourist places ,attractions,...),to orientate us toward new horizons(big plains,urban cities,natural landscape...),a new fauna and flora(kangaroo,koala,Great Barrier Reef...).Contrariwise,you have to master english,the language of the country in order to communicate with the other.
We could be sociable and know the language to integreate.Unfortunately,you have to don't be homesick.On the other hand,you must carry out many administratives steps to get a valable visa or passeport.We need to spend a lot of mony to travel(flight tickets,equipement...)
Finally to work abroad during the summer holidays is a way to have fun while woorking
Voici pour une première "reprise. Good luck.
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Modifié par violet91 le 22-07-2010 13:38
Réponse: Australia/Correction essai de lillyrose, postée le 22-07-2010 à 13:42:28 (S | E)
Ce qui est en rouge est faux et ce qui est en bleu? qu'est ce que c'est?
Réponse: Australia/Correction essai de lillyrose, postée le 22-07-2010 à 13:44:13 (S | E)
Je ne vois pas tellement mes fautes car par exemple experience ,c'est comme en français sans accent
Réponse: Australia/Correction essai de tierchenlili, postée le 22-07-2010 à 14:21:39 (S | E)
I'd like to work abroad during the summer break, above all in Australia.
I think it would be an interesting and enriching experience. To work abroad means to get a better pay, a better job and all that in good conditions. Working in foreign countries as Australia enables us to discover a new culture(tourist places ,attractions,...),to orientate us toward new horizons(big plains,urban cities,natural landscape...), new fauna and flora(kangaroo,koala,Great Barrier Reef...) but you have to master English, the language of the country in order to communicate with people.
We could be sociable and know the language to get integrated. Unfortunately, you must not be homesick. Besides you must carry out many administrative steps to get a valid visa or passport. We need to spend a lot of money to travel(flight tickets,equipement...)
Finally to work abroad during the summer holidays is a way to have fun while working.
mais je ne suis pas sûre de te comprendre tout le temps pour :
_ all that in good conditions.
_ to orientate us toward
_ We could be sociable
_ We need to spend a lot of mony to travel
que voulais-tu dire en français ?
Réponse: Australia/Correction essai de lillyrose, postée le 22-07-2010 à 14:30:36 (S | E)
-all that in good conditions.= tout cela dans de bonnes conditions
_ to orientate us toward = nous orienter vers de nouveau horizons
_ We could be sociable = nous devons être sociable
_ We need to spend a lot of mony to trave!= nous devons dépenser une importante somme d'argent pour voyager
Réponse: Australia/Correction essai de sheepishly, postée le 22-07-2010 à 15:56:23 (S | E)
Hello,
So, I'm just going to try to help you, correction that essay. It's a good idea to talk about your dreams...
I'd like to work abroad during the summer holidays, espescially in Australia.
I think it would be an interesting and enriching personnal experience. Work abroad means to get a better pay, a better job and all that in good conditions. The fact of working in faraway countries, as Australia, allow us to discover a new country(tourist places ,attractions,...),to orientate us toward new horizons(big plains,urban cities,natural landscape...),a new fauna and flora(kangaroo,koala,Great Barrier Reef...).Contrariwise,you have to master english, the language of the country in order to communicate with the other.
We could be sociable and know the language to integreate. Unfortunately, you have to don't be homesick.On the other hand, you must carry out many administratives steps to get a valable visa or passeport. We need to spend a lot of money to travel(flight tickets,equipement...)
Finally, to work abroad during the summer holidays is a way to have fun while working.
1) espescially est mal orthographié>>especially
2)to get a better pay, je pense que tu as voulu dire que ça permettait de ganger plus d'argent. Dans ce cas, tu dirais, 'you can get more money'...
3) The fact of working, ta structure est lourde, pesante. Essaie d'alléger en disant simplement Working...
4) Allow, faute de conjugaison, tu es à la 3ème personne puisque ton sujet est 'The fact of working' donc un GN à la 3ème du singulier... >> Allows.
5) Orientate us, le 'us' n'est pas utile puisque tu l'as déjà utilisé dans la structure 'allows us'. Tu peux supprimer même le 'orientate', je pense que 'discover' peut rester et donc être sous entendu, tu peux donc même supprimer le 'toward' >> ', new horizons...'
6) 'You have to master English', je pense que tu veux dire qu'il faut parler Anglais. Dans ce cas, tu diras simplement 'Your English may be fluent'. Par contre, n'oublie surtout pas la majuscule a English...
7) Comme les autres, je ne vois pas ce que tu veux dire pas 'could be sociable'. Peut-être qu'il faut être sociables pour pouvoir s'intégrer...
8) Unfortunately, et in the other hand sont incompatibles. A ta place, je n'utiliserais ni l'une ni l'autre. Pas de mots de liaison, ou alors pas ceux-là... Par contre, 'you have to don't be homesick' est faux... Je pense, encore, que tu veux dire qu'il ne faux pas avoir le mal du pays... Dans ce cas, dis simplement : you may be homesick but, don't mind it because it's worth it (ça en vaut le coup)
9) 'We need to spend a lot of money to travel'. Utilise la forme passive, pour exprimer le fait que c'est indéfini. 'A lot of money need to be spent'.
Tu dois tout de même vérifier ton orthographe... Attention en autre, aux fautes de recopiage. Si tu l'envoie par mail, relit le, tu double certaines lettres... Si tu n'es pas sûr de l'orthographe d'un mot, utilise le dictionnaire ou le net...
I hope I helped you correcting a few mistakes...
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