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Message de matt59 posté le 25-09-2010 à 23:51:03 (S | E | F)
Bonjour à toutes et à tous,
Voilà, je dois réaliser une présentation de moi-même à l'oral afin d'évaluer mon niveau d'anglais.
J'ai donc préparé ma présentation mais je ne suis pas sûr du tout de certains points. Pourriez-vous la lire et me dire / corriger ce qui ne va pas ?
Voici ma présentation :
My name is Matthieu Dupond, I am twenty four years old and I am living in Lille. I graduated with honors from High School Ozanam, receiving a university degree of Science of Industrial Technology specialize in electrical .
Then, I graduated from IUT university of Lille, receiving a Bachelor's degree in network and telecomunication. Then, i tried to find a job but i have not found. So, i graduated from Lille's Laboratory of computing, receving masters degrees in software development. Then i found a job at Microsoft, a marketing's firm.
So, in Microsoft, I passed a training session for develope the TPE software on TPE of IBM. Then, i reproduced the old Microsoft TPE software on the new IBM TPE, i developped some web's software ( a maker emailing and a mapping viewer and a emailing server.
Then, I designed a new communication protocol and I managed and I formed an trainee for server's file development with this communication protocol for new application TPE and for development new TPE software version 2 and we developped this project.
Finaly, I designed a technical specification for a new project named Tikeo. This project will allow to print offers on TPE and will allow to use these offers. Actually, i develope this project. Do you have any questions on my carreer ?
Je vous remercie de votre aide.
Matthieu
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Modifié par lucile83 le 26-09-2010 15:04
Texte définitif mis en place
Réponse: Présentation CV/Essay de notrepere, postée le 26-09-2010 à 22:09:10 (S | E)
Bonjour!My name is Matthieu Dupond, (.) I am twenty four years old and I am living [temps: habitude] in Lille. I graduated with honors from High School Ozanam [ordre des mots], receiving a university degree of Science of Industrial Technology specialize [forme du mot] in electrical [c'est un adjectif qui modifie quel nom?].
Then, I graduated from IUT university of Lille, receiving a Bachelor's degree in network and telecomunication. Then, i tried to find a job but i have not found [mot manquant]. So, i graduated from Lille's Laboratory of computing, receving masters degrees [More than one degree?] in software development. Then i found a job at Microsoft, a marketing's [pas un possessif] firm.
So, in [mauvaise préposition] Microsoft, I passed a training session for develope [mal dit] the TPE [Qu'est-ce que c'est?] software on TPE of IBM. Then, i reproduced the old Microsoft TPE software on the new IBM TPE, [conjonction manquante] i developped some web's [pas un possessif] software ( a maker emailing and a mapping viewer and a emailing server [ce n'a pas de sens].
Then, I designed a new communication protocol and I managed and I formed [trop de 'and'; combinez ces idées] an [Voyez-vous le problème?] trainee for server's file development [ce n'a pas de sens] with this communication protocol for new application TPE [pas de sens] and for development new TPE software version 2 [pas de sens] and we developped this project.
Finaly, I designed a technical specification for a new project named Tikeo. This project will allow [mot manquant: qui?] to print offers on TPE and will allow [mot manquant: qui?] to use these offers [Je ne comprends pas exactement]. Actually, i develope [temps] this project. Do you have any questions on [mauvaise préposition] my carreer ?
Le texte en bleu: Orthographe
Réponse: Présentation CV/Essay de matt59, postée le 28-09-2010 à 00:12:05 (S | E)
Je vous remercie pour votre réponse. Voici mon texte corrigé :
My name is Matthieu Dupond. I am twenty four years old and I live in Lille. I graduated with honors from Ozanam High School, receiving a university degree of Science of Industrial Technology specialise in electrical engineering.
Then, I graduated from IUT university of Lille, receiving a Bachelor's degree in network and telecomunication. Then, i tried to find a job but i have not found it. So, i graduated from Lille's Laboratory of computing, receiving masters degree in software development. Then i found a job at Microsoft, a marketing firm.
So, when working for Microsoft, I passed a training session for to develop the TPE (this is an electronic payment terminal ) software on IBM TPE. Then, i reproduced the old Microsoft TPE software on the new IBM TPE, and i developped some web software ( a mail generator (and its server) and a mapping viewer).
Then, I designed a new communication protocol.I managed a trainee to develop a server's file including this communication protocol for new TPE software and to develop a new TPE software with me.
Finaly, I designed a technical specification for a new project named Tikeo. This project will allow who to print offers on TPE and will allow who to use it (c'est un projet qui permettra d'imprimé des coupons de réductions sur le TPE et qui permettra l'utilisation de celle-ci) . Actually, i am developing this project. Do you have any questions for my carreer ?
Il y a parti française qui a pour but de vous expliquer ce que je voulais dire.
Ai-je bien corrigé toutes les remarques que vous m'aviez faîtes ?
Matthieu
Réponse: Présentation CV/Essay de may, postée le 28-09-2010 à 03:36:07 (S | E)
Bonsoir,
Juste une petite remarque sur ce que notrepere est déjà indiqué:
My name is Matthieu Dupond. I am twenty four years old and I live in Lille. I graduated with honors from Ozanam High School, receiving a university degree of Science of Industrial Technology specialise in electrical engineering.
Then, I graduated from IUT university capitalize of Lille, receiving a Bachelor's degree in network and telecomunication. Then, i tried to find a job but i have not found it yet. So, i graduated from Lille's Laboratory of computing, receiving masters degree in software development. Then i found a job at Microsoft, a marketing firm.
(So,) when working for Microsoft, I passed a training session for to develop the TPE (this is an electronic payment terminal ) software on IBM (TPE). Then, i reproduced the old Microsoft TPE software on the new IBM (TPE), and i developped some web software ( a mail generator (and its server) and a mapping viewer).
Then, I designed a new communication protocol.I managed a trainee to develop a server's file including this communication protocol for new TPE software and to develop a new TPE software with me. Can you revise this phrase?
Finaly, I designed a technical specification for a new project named Tikeo. This project will allow who need an object to print offers on TPE and (will allow who) to use it (c'est un projet qui permettra d'imprimé des coupons de réductions sur le TPE et qui permettra l'utilisation de celle-ci) . Actually, i am developing this project. Do you have any questions for my carreer ?
Il y a parti française qui a pour but de vous expliquer ce que je voulais dire.
Ai-je bien corrigé toutes les remarques que vous m'aviez faîtes ?
Matthieu
Remember to capitalize all the i
Rose: need to be corrected
Blue: suggestion
(...) omited
Réponse: Présentation CV/Essay de notrepere, postée le 28-09-2010 à 05:55:34 (S | E)
Bonjour!Vous n'avez pas compris quelques les corrections.
Finaly [orthographe], I designed a technical specification for a new project named Tikeo. This project will allow [mot manquant: 'someone', 'you', etc.] to print offers on TPE and will allow [mot manquant: 'someone', 'you', etc.]...
Réponse: Présentation CV/Essay de matt59, postée le 28-09-2010 à 20:01:07 (S | E)
Je ne comprends pas l'erreur de la phrase : "I graduated with honors from Ozanam High School, receiving a university degree of Science of Industrial Technology specialise in electrical engineering." Le "specialise" se traduit en "spécialisé dans/en" je voulais donc dire : "j'ai eu mon bac avec mention dans le lycée Ozanam, en recevant un baccalauréat Sciences des techniques industrielles spécialisé en electrotechnique", je ne vois pas l'erreur ...
Voici le texte modifié suivant les autres erreurs :
My name is Matthieu Dupond. I am twenty four years old and I live in Lille. I graduated with honors from Ozanam High School, receiving a university degree of Science of Industrial Technology specialise in electrical engineering.
Then, I graduated from IUT University of Lille, receiving a Bachelor's degree in network and telecommunication. Then, I tried to find a job but I have not found it (Je ne suis pas sûr du yet vu que je veux juste traduire par : "je n'en ai pas trouvé"). So, I graduated from Lille's Laboratory of computing, receiving masters degree in software development. Then I found a job at Microsoft, a marketing firm.
When working for Microsoft, I passed a training session to develop (dans une traduction, le "pour" est il intuitif dans cette phrase : "j'ai suivi une formation pour développer le TPE" ?) the TPE (this is an electronic payment terminal ) software on IBM TPE. Then, I reproduced the old Microsoft TPE software on the new IBM TPE, and I developed some web software ( a mail generator (and its server) and a mapping viewer).
Then, I designed a new communication protocol.I managed a trainee to develop a server's file including this communication protocol for new TPE software and to develop it with me.
Finally, I designed a technical specification for a new project named Tikeo. This project will enable TPE to print offers and users to use its (J'ai changé le sens de ma phrase qui devrait se traduire par : "Ce projet permettra au TPE d'imprimer des offres et aux utilisateurs de les utiliser"). Actually, I am developing this project. Do you have any questions ?
Je pense avoir compris le sens de "to allow" qui ne s'adapter pas très bien à mon dernier paragraphe, l'emploi de "to enable" est plus clair, je pense. Avez vous compris le sens de tout ce texte ? Je ne suis pas certain de la traduction de : j'ai obtenu un BAC STI electrotechnique, une licence professionnelle en réseaux et télécommunication et une maitrise informatique. Auriez-vous des conseils à me donner ?
Je vous remercie pour le temps passé à me corriger.
Matthieu
Réponse: Présentation CV/Essay de gerondif, postée le 28-09-2010 à 20:15:16 (S | E)
Bonsoir,
specialisé est un participe passé:
Je suis surpris, fatigué, suivi: I am surprised, tired, followed
votre forme est à l'infinitif.
Réponse: Présentation CV/Essay de may, postée le 29-09-2010 à 02:59:37 (S | E)
Bonsoir
1. Je ne comprends pas l'erreur de la phrase : "I graduated with honors from Ozanam High School, receiving a university degree of Science of Industrial Technology specialise in electrical engineering." (see gerondif).
2. Then, I tried to find a job but I have not found it (Je ne suis pas sûr du yet vu que je veux juste traduire par : "je n'en ai pas trouvé (encore)". According to me, it sounds better with yet . when somebody asks: Have you found a job yet? A short answer will be ggrrrr...not yet (unless you did find one). However, it's up to you. C'est votre choix alors.
3. There are a lot of then in your paragraphs. You can select among the other adverbs Also, Consequently, Furthermore, Later....
4. This project will enable TPE to print offers and verb missing (I suggest "allow") users to use its orthograph.
5. I am developing this project or I am the one who has developed this project Votre choix, ça dépend çe que vous voulez dire
6. Do you have any questions ?
Do you have any question regarding.... (remember no space between the word questions and question mark)
Hope this helps,
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Modifié par may le 29-09-2010 03:00
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