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Message de spider3 posté le 29-10-2010 à 16:58:40 (S | E | F)
Bonjour à tous ,
J'ai un gros problème avec ma rédaction , pourriez-vous m'aider à la corriger s'il vous plaît??
Je dois raconter mes vacances d'été au passé BV+ed .
Au niveau de la conjugaison je n'ai pas tellement compris , si je devais utiliser le present perfect ou le prétérit ...
donc , j'ai tout mis au present perfect .
During my summer holidays, I have left to (pays) with my family to see my family , because that did three years I had not seen them.
When we have arrived in the house of my grandparents , they have been happy, his house is magnificent , I have enjoyed the mosaics on the door .
We have celebrated that, with dish of couscous and mint tea and many cakes for dessert.
Then , me and my aunt we have gone at the sea and have collected many sea shells .
I have admired the sunset , she has showed me the third biggest (monument) of the world , (monument historique ), she is very beautiful from the inside only outside.
Two weeks later , we have left to for (ville) , it has situated in the North of (pays) in the big atlas .
We have gone through several towns , the distance it has long .
When we arrived at high altitudes , I have gone out fast of the car to see my cousins.
Every day I have took a lot of photos of moutains and have played with my sisters and cousins .
When we returned to (ville) I have stayed with my aunt, in her dressmaker shop it has worked very well .
Then we were to have gone out an ice cream and she has showed me, one of the biggest shopping malls in the city and we left to have eaten to the restaurant.
When we have returned to France it was hard to leave them.
Merci d'avance .
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Modifié par bridg le 29-10-2010 17:00
+titre
Réponse: Vacances/ passé bv+ed . de laure95, postée le 29-10-2010 à 17:09:37 (S | E)
Bonjour,
Voici ce que tu dois corriger.
Pour le temps à utiliser, il aurait fallu choisir le prétérit car c'est le temps du récit.
During my summer holidays, I have left to (pays) with my family to see my family (pour éviter la répétition, précise qui tu as été voir), because that did 3 years I had not seen them.
When we have arrived in the house of my grandparents , they have been happy, his (pas le bon possessif) house is magnificent , I have enjoyed the mosaics on the door .
We have celebrated that, with dish (à mettre au pluriel) of couscous
Then , me and my aunt (my aunt and I) we (my aunt and I est déjà le sujet) have gone at (to) the sea and have collected many sea shells .
I have admired the sunset , she has showed me the third biggest (monument: propose nous 1 traduction)) of the world , (monument historique ), she is very beautiful from the inside only outside.
Two weeks later , we have left
We have gone through several towns , the distance
When we arrived at high altitudes , I have gone out fast of the car to see my cousins.
Every day I have took a lot of photos of moutains and have played with my sisters and cousins .
When we returned to (ville) I have stayed with my aunt, in her dressmaker shop it has worked very well .
Then we were to have gone out an ice cream and she has showed me, one of the biggest shopping malls in the city and we left to have eaten (infinitif) to the restaurant.
When we have returned to France it was hard to leave them.
A toi d'essayer de te corriger avec ces indications. Bonne chance!
Réponse: Vacances/ passé bv+ed . de spider3, postée le 29-10-2010 à 17:35:26 (S | E)
Merci laure95 de m'avoir répondu
voici ce que j'ai corrigé :
During my summer holidays, I left to (pays) with my family to see my my grandparents, my aunts, my cousins, because we had not seen them for three years .
When we arrived in the house of my grandparents , they were happy, theirs house is magnificent , I have enjoyed the mosaics on the door .
We celebrated that, with dishs of couscous , mint tea and many cakes for dessert.
Then , my aunt and I went to the sea and have collected many sea shells .
I admired the sunset , she showed me the third (monument )of the world , ( la tour eiffel) , it is very beautiful from the inside and outside.
Two weeks later , we left for (ville) , it had situated in the North of (pays) in the big atlas .
We went through several towns , the distance it lasted long .
When we arrived at high altitudes , I went out fast of the car to see my cousins.
Every day I took a lot of photos of moutains and played with my sisters and cousins .
When we returned to (ville) I stayed with my aunt, in her dressmaker shop it worked very well .
Then we bought an ice cream and she showed me, one of the biggest shopping malls in the city and we left to have eat to the restaurant.
When we returned to France it was hard to leave them.
Pourriez-vous me corriger ??
Merci
Réponse: Vacances/ passé bv+ed . de laure95, postée le 30-10-2010 à 11:03:58 (S | E)
Bonjour,
Voici ce que tu dois encore corriger:
During my summer holidays, I left (utilise le verbe aller) to (pays) with my family to see
When we arrived in the house of my grandparents , they were happy, theirs (revois la différence entre THEIR et THEIRS) house is magnificent , I have enjoyed the mosaics on the door .
We celebrated that, with dishs (revois les modifications orthographiques pour les mots se terminant par "h") of couscous , mint tea and many cakes for dessert.
Then , my aunt and I went to the sea and have collected (temps!) many sea shells .
I admired the sunset , she showed me the third (monument )of the world , ( la tour eiffel: traduis) , it is very beautiful from the inside and outside.
Two weeks later , we left (même remarque qu'au début) for (donc, pas la bonne préposition) (ville) , it had situated (quel temps as-tu voulu utiliser?) in the North of (pays) in the big atlas .
We went through several towns , the distance it lasted long (mal dit).
When we arrived at high altitudes , I went out fast>(utiliser l'adverbe) of the car to see my cousins.
Every day I took a lot of photos of moutains (orthographe) and played with my sisters and cousins .
When we returned to (ville) I stayed with my aunt, in her dressmaker shop it (which) worked very well .
Then we bought an ice cream and she showed me
When we returned to France it was hard to leave them.
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