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Back cover/correction
Message de boahancock posté le 26-02-2012 à 11:37:29 (S | E | F)
Hello !
I've had a homework to do in my holidays which was to invent a back cover of a book. It is a work which could improve my English but also a work which has to be beautiful.
So, I have two pictures and I have to choose one of them and invent the cover after it.
I chose the picture which contains a handcuffed surgeon.
The title of the novel : I'm searching it but I didn't manage to find it ... It could be something like [i]Guilty conscience or guilty conscience[/i]
9/11. When the famous terrorist Ben Laden managed to destroy the twin towers and the latter passed out, he was transported by helicopter to the best hospital in NY : New York-Presbyterian University Hospital of Columbia and Cornell. There, the best surgeon was monopolized to treat him. The murderer have had a cerebral attack and his hours were counted ! The hospital was taken hostage and on top of that, the surgeon received a phone call : his family was taken hostage and if didn't save Ben Laden, she would be killed. 6 hours, un man, an extremely risked operation and a decision fraught with consequences : save a monster or kill one's family.
' A thrilling novel which embark you in the rythm of the story, and a point that is worth thinking about. What would you do instead of the surgeon ? Brilliant, and it's all. [i]Daily Mirror[/i]
Could you correct me and tell me if my text is good or not, and how I could improve it ?
Thanks a lot !
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Modifié par lucile83 le 26-02-2012 15:06
Message de boahancock posté le 26-02-2012 à 11:37:29 (S | E | F)
Hello !
I've had a homework to do in my holidays which was to invent a back cover of a book. It is a work which could improve my English but also a work which has to be beautiful.
So, I have two pictures and I have to choose one of them and invent the cover after it.
I chose the picture which contains a handcuffed surgeon.
The title of the novel : I'm searching it but I didn't manage to find it ... It could be something like [i]Guilty conscience or guilty conscience[/i]
9/11. When the famous terrorist Ben Laden managed to destroy the twin towers and the latter passed out, he was transported by helicopter to the best hospital in NY : New York-Presbyterian University Hospital of Columbia and Cornell. There, the best surgeon was monopolized to treat him. The murderer have had a cerebral attack and his hours were counted ! The hospital was taken hostage and on top of that, the surgeon received a phone call : his family was taken hostage and if didn't save Ben Laden, she would be killed. 6 hours, un man, an extremely risked operation and a decision fraught with consequences : save a monster or kill one's family.
' A thrilling novel which embark you in the rythm of the story, and a point that is worth thinking about. What would you do instead of the surgeon ? Brilliant, and it's all. [i]Daily Mirror[/i]
Could you correct me and tell me if my text is good or not, and how I could improve it ?
Thanks a lot !
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Modifié par lucile83 le 26-02-2012 15:06
Réponse: Back cover/correction de boahancock, postée le 28-02-2012 à 18:56:37 (S | E)
Up :'(
Réponse: Back cover/correction de boahancock, postée le 01-03-2012 à 18:45:49 (S | E)
Quelqu'un veut-il bien me corriger ? :/
Réponse: Back cover/correction de sherry48, postée le 01-03-2012 à 21:56:57 (S | E)
Hello boahancock.
Here are some things to take another look at.
9/11. When the famous terrorist Ben Laden managed to destroy the twin towers and the latter passed out, he was transported by helicopter to the best hospital in NY : New York-Presbyterian University Hospital of Columbia and Cornell. There, the best surgeon was monopolized to treat him. The murderer have had a cerebral attack (check the dictionary)and his hours were counted (check the dictionary) ! The hospital was taken hostage and on top of that, the surgeon received a phone call : his family was taken hostage and if * didn't save Ben Laden, she would be killed. 6 hours, un man, an extremely risked operation and a decision fraught with consequences : save a monster or kill one's family.
' A thrilling novel which embark you in the rythm of the story, and a point that is worth thinking about. What would you do instead of the surgeon ? Brilliant, and it's all
. [i]Daily Mirror[/i]Sherry
Réponse: Back cover/correction de boahancock, postée le 02-03-2012 à 20:23:46 (S | E)
Hello
The title of the novel : It could be something like Guilty conscience or guilty conscience ----> Je voulais mettre ce titre "mauvaise conscience ou mauvaise conscience" pour créer un effet de redondance qui accroît l'impression d'impasse suggérée au lecteur. En effet, le principal protagoniste sera confronté à deux choix inconciliables mais digne de sanction autant l'un que l'autre : tuer sa famille, ou sauver le monstre responsable de la mort de millions de personnes.Je voudrais savoir : En anglais, le procédé est peut-être différent ? :-)
9/11. When the famous terrorist Ben Laden managed to destroy the Twin Towers and the last passed out in his helicopter where he was appreciating the situation, he was transported by helicopter to the best hospital in NY : The New York-Presbyterian University Hospital of Columbia and Cornell. There, the best surgeon, Derek Shepherd was hogged(better than monopolized I think) to treat him. The murderer had had a cerebrovascular accident and his hours were numbered ! The hospital was taken hostage and on top of that, Derek received a phone call : his family had been taken hostage and if he didn't save ben laden, Derek's family would be killed.
Six hours, a man, an extremely risky operation and a decision fraught with consequences : saving a monster or killing one's family.
' A thrilling novel which embarks(je ne vois pas comment traduire car c'est bien la parole "embarquer dans le rythme du récit", très française souvent et qui me pose problème dans le sens où, il est vrai que j'ai beaucoup de mal à trouver le sens figuré en anglais de "embarks in the rythm") you in the rythm of the story, and a point that is worth thinking about. What would you do in the surgeon's place ? Brilliant, that's all. Daily Mirror (Cela est le commentaire d'un magazine que nous devons incorporer déjà suite au résumé, commentaire souvent présent sur la quatrième de couverture des romans, nouvelles...)
Thanks a lot for correcting my text !
boahancock
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Modifié par boahancock le 02-03-2012 20:25
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Modifié par lucile83 le 02-03-2012 20:53
Réponse: Back cover/correction de sherry48, postée le 03-03-2012 à 17:18:36 (S | E)
Hello again.
Regarding using redundancy to demonstrate the dilemma, I really don't know. The only thing that comes to mind is the often used phrase...'kill or be killed'.
When the famous terrorist Ben Laden managed to destroy the Twin Towers and the last 1 passed out in his helicopter where he was appreciating 2 the situation, he was transported by helicopter to the best hospital in NY : The New York - Presbyterian University Hospital of Columbia and Cornell. There, the best surgeon, Derek Shepherd was hogged(better than monopolized I think)3 to treat him. The murderer had had a cerebrovascular accident 4 and his hours were numbered ! The hospital was taken hostage and on top of that, Derek received a phone call : his family had been taken hostage and if he didn't save Ben Laden, Derek's family would be killed.
Six hours, a (in this case one would be good) man, an extremely risky operation and a decision fraught with consequences : saving a monster or killing one's family.5
' A thrilling novel which embarks(je ne vois pas comment traduire car c'est bien la parole "embarquer dans le rythme du récit", très française souvent et qui me pose problème dans le sens où, il est vrai que j'ai beaucoup de mal à trouver le sens figuré en anglais de "embarks in the rythm") you in the rythm of the story,6 and a point that is worth thinking about. What would you do in the surgeon's place ? Brilliant, that's all. Daily Mirror (Cela est le commentaire d'un magazine que nous devons incorporer déjà suite au résumé, commentaire souvent présent sur la quatrième de couverture des romans, nouvelles...)
1.I'm not sure that your correction is an improvement...before you wrote 'latter', and I thought you wanted 'later'
2.That time in the helicopter was further in the past, before he became unconscious, so simple past is not correct. Also, you might find a better synonym...(exulter, triompher?).
3.I think you can do better than these...look at ordered, procured, commanded.
4.This is OK, but I had in mind a more common synonym that you will find in the dictionary.
5.What should he do? Should he....saving or killing?
6.Embark in English has a more limited sense than in French...what about engage, or draw in?
Your other changes are good.
Sherry
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Modifié par sherry48 le 03-03-2012 17:19
Réponse: Back cover/correction de boahancock, postée le 03-03-2012 à 18:05:56 (S | E)
Hello again.
Here are some of my corrections !
9/11. When the famous terrorist Ben Laden managed to destroy the Twin Towers and he passed out in his helicopter where he had been exulting, he was urgently transported to the best hospital in NY : The New York-Presbyterian University Hospital of Columbia and Cornell. There, the best surgeon, Derek Shepherd was requisitioned to treat him. The murderer had had a cerebrovascular accident(je ne trouve que ce mot là pour "accident vasculaire cérébral" ou je trouve "cerebral accident" ou "vascular accident"
) and his hours were numbered ! The hospital was taken hostage and on top of that, Derek received a phone call : his family had been taken hostage and if he didn't save Ben Laden, Derek's family would be killed. Six hours, one man, an extremely risky operation and a decision fraught with consequences : save a monster or kill one's family.
' A thrilling novel which draws you into the story, and a point that is worth thinking about. What would you do in Shepherd's place ? Brilliant, that’s all. Daily Mirror
Is it good now ? :-)
Réponse: Back cover/correction de sherry48, postée le 03-03-2012 à 19:59:45 (S | E)
Hello.
I think you are missing out on a very useful tool at this site! At the top left of the page, under Accueil, near mes messages, you can select traduire cet extrait. When I enter accident vasculaire cérébral, I find the common synonym I had in mind. Your other corrections look OK, but eliminate the hyphen in New York Presbyterian. Typically, one exults in something.
You could also consider changing 'kill one's family'..as you did above (his family would be killed).
Your choice.
Sherry
Réponse: Back cover/correction de boahancock, postée le 03-03-2012 à 20:40:26 (S | E)
Hello !
Thanks a lot for all the help you gave me ! You taught me very important things and I improved my English; thanks to you ! This site
Thanks ! :-)
boahancock
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Modifié par lucile83 le 03-03-2012 20:45
Réponse: Back cover/correction de oldbill, postée le 03-03-2012 à 22:24:19 (S | E)
Hello,
Infamous rather than famous; the leading surgeon;the hospital was held to ransom; familly taken hostage;which draws the reader into the plot. I hope these few suggestions may be of use to you.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 03-03-2012 22:48
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