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Correction/dialogue
Message de nicolas49 posté le 27-02-2012 à 20:26:04 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
j'ai fait un dialogue donc si vous pouviez m'aider à le corriger ce serait gentil.
Merci pour vos réponses. :D
Mr Patel is cooking in the kitchen, when her daughter Nandira decided to talk with him.
Nandira: Hi Daddy, I would like to talk to you.
Mr Patel: Ok honey, what’s going on?
Nandira: You know, yesterday when I went out with friends… On the way back, I was walking in the streets when I noticed a woman who was following me…
Mr Patel: Really? But why was she following you?
Nandira: That’s the very question I would like to ask you. Because as I am a curious girl, I asked her and I discovered that she was a private detective that you had engaged!
Mr Patel: Yes, It’s true, I engaged her to find out whether you had a boyfriend. Because I feel worried for you! You could meet hoodies and they could hurt you.
Nandira: Daddy! You are too harsh with me! I am enough mature now! You don’t have to worry about me and to choose my boyfriend! I can’t believe that you had spied on me! You are my father, why don’t just ask me if I have a boyfriend? I can’t trust you now!
Mr Patel: Oh, I’m so sorry! But if I overprotect you, it’s because I love you and I don’t want you to get into trouble!
Nandira: But what it is wrong to have a boyfriend? I know that I do! Put yourself in my shoes! I am so fed up with you prying into my private life!
Mr Patel: Ok Nandira, I accept to give you more freedom but please let me regain your trust!
Nandira: Ok Daddy, you know, I love you so much!
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 27-02-2012 21:15
Message de nicolas49 posté le 27-02-2012 à 20:26:04 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
j'ai fait un dialogue donc si vous pouviez m'aider à le corriger ce serait gentil.
Merci pour vos réponses. :D
Mr Patel is cooking in the kitchen, when her daughter Nandira decided to talk with him.
Nandira: Hi Daddy, I would like to talk to you.
Mr Patel: Ok honey, what’s going on?
Nandira: You know, yesterday when I went out with friends… On the way back, I was walking in the streets when I noticed a woman who was following me…
Mr Patel: Really? But why was she following you?
Nandira: That’s the very question I would like to ask you. Because as I am a curious girl, I asked her and I discovered that she was a private detective that you had engaged!
Mr Patel: Yes, It’s true, I engaged her to find out whether you had a boyfriend. Because I feel worried for you! You could meet hoodies and they could hurt you.
Nandira: Daddy! You are too harsh with me! I am enough mature now! You don’t have to worry about me and to choose my boyfriend! I can’t believe that you had spied on me! You are my father, why don’t just ask me if I have a boyfriend? I can’t trust you now!
Mr Patel: Oh, I’m so sorry! But if I overprotect you, it’s because I love you and I don’t want you to get into trouble!
Nandira: But what it is wrong to have a boyfriend? I know that I do! Put yourself in my shoes! I am so fed up with you prying into my private life!
Mr Patel: Ok Nandira, I accept to give you more freedom but please let me regain your trust!
Nandira: Ok Daddy, you know, I love you so much!
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 27-02-2012 21:15
Réponse: Correction/dialogue de may, postée le 28-02-2012 à 03:04:16 (S | E)
Hello,
Very good though!
Mr Patel is cooking in the kitchen, when her daughter Nandira decided to talk with him. (concordance de temps)
Nandira: Hi Daddy, I would like to talk to you.
Mr Patel: Ok honey, what’s going on?
Nandira: You know, yesterday when I went out with friends… On the way back,(commencé par: I noticed.......when) I was walking in the streets when I noticed a woman who was following me…
Mr Patel: Really? But why was she following you?
Nandira: That’s the very question I would like to ask you. Because as (choisir l'un ou l'autre)I am a curious girl, I asked her and I discovered that she was (temps présent) a private detective that you had engaged (autre verbe/temps?)!
Mr Patel: Yes, It’s true, I engaged her to find out whether you had (present perfect) a boyfriend. Because I feel (to be) worried for you! You could meet hoodies and they could hurt you.
Nandira: Daddy! You are too harsh with me! I am
Mr Patel: Oh, I’m so sorry! But if I overprotect you, it’s because I love you and I don’t want you to get into trouble!
Nandira: But what it is wrong to have a boyfriend? I know that I do! ..... Put yourself in my shoes! I am so fed up with you...... prying into my private life!
Mr Patel: Ok Nandira, I accept to give you more freedom but please let me regain your trust!
Nandira: Ok Daddy, you know, I love you so much!
Well, good luck!
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