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Correction/Best day in life
Message de lea10 posté le 08-03-2012 à 22:13:47 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
Pouvez-vous s'il vous plaît m'aider à corriger ce texte qui raconte le plus beau jour de ma vie?
Merci pour vos réponses.
The best day of my life is when I had my dog. When I was young, my father wanted a dog but my mother didn't agree. After a time, my Father finally convinced her. May 8 2006, my family and me went to Heudicourt to fetched my dog. Previously, we thought about his first name. The majority liked the name "Baxie", so we will call her like that. When we came in the breeding, all dogs jumped on we. It was very fun. Then, we chose one, and after signing paper, we left.
When we got back home, our dog seemed lost. She would take time to adapt. I spent the afternoon to give her some cuddles. We offered a toy, a teddy bear that makes noise when you support it, and she wanted play with all the day. Unfortunately, after three days, the teddy bear was torn to pieces. At the night, I slept with her to keep an eye on she.
I think this is the most beautiful day of my life because since this day, my dog is always here for me. Now, I look on her as my best friend or my sister. She is the most adorable with me. When something not feeling very well, I tell her the story of one's life and things turn all right. I am very happy to had her. Now, I couldn't live without her. I didn't think a dog could bring so much happiness in a life.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 08-03-2012 22:33
Message de lea10 posté le 08-03-2012 à 22:13:47 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
Pouvez-vous s'il vous plaît m'aider à corriger ce texte qui raconte le plus beau jour de ma vie?
Merci pour vos réponses.
The best day of my life is when I had my dog. When I was young, my father wanted a dog but my mother didn't agree. After a time, my Father finally convinced her. May 8 2006, my family and me went to Heudicourt to fetched my dog. Previously, we thought about his first name. The majority liked the name "Baxie", so we will call her like that. When we came in the breeding, all dogs jumped on we. It was very fun. Then, we chose one, and after signing paper, we left.
When we got back home, our dog seemed lost. She would take time to adapt. I spent the afternoon to give her some cuddles. We offered a toy, a teddy bear that makes noise when you support it, and she wanted play with all the day. Unfortunately, after three days, the teddy bear was torn to pieces. At the night, I slept with her to keep an eye on she.
I think this is the most beautiful day of my life because since this day, my dog is always here for me. Now, I look on her as my best friend or my sister. She is the most adorable with me. When something not feeling very well, I tell her the story of one's life and things turn all right. I am very happy to had her. Now, I couldn't live without her. I didn't think a dog could bring so much happiness in a life.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 08-03-2012 22:33
Réponse: Correction/Best day in life de sherry48, postée le 08-03-2012 à 22:30:10 (S | E)
Hello lea10.
You have mistakes, but don't be discouraged! Many of them are verb tense, since you are telling a story about things that happened in the past, or you have confused subject and object pronouns.
The best day of my life is when I had my dog. When I was young, my father wanted a dog but my mother didn't agree. After a time, my Father finally convinced her. May 8 2006, my family and me went to Heudicourt to fetched my dog. Previously, we thought about his first name. The majority liked the name "Baxie", so we will call her like that. When we came in the breeding, all * dogs jumped on we. It was very fun. Then, we chose one, and after signing paper (singular or plural?), we left.
When we got back home, our dog seemed lost. She would take time to adapt. I spent the afternoon to give her some cuddles. We offered a toy, a teddy bear that makes noise when you support it, and she wanted play with * all the day. Unfortunately, after three days, the teddy bear was torn to pieces. At the night, I slept with her to keep an eye on she.
I think this is the most beautiful day of my life because since this day, my dog is always here for me. Now, I look on her as my best friend or my sister. She is the most adorable with me. When something not feeling very well, I tell her the story of one's life and things turn * all right. I am very happy to had her. Now, I couldn't live without her. I didn't think a dog could bring so much happiness in a life.
Sherry
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Modifié par sherry48 le 08-03-2012 22:30
Réponse: Correction/Best day in life de lea10, postée le 09-03-2012 à 23:06:52 (S | E)
J'ai corrigé mes erreurs, merci beaucoup.
Réponse: Correction/Best day in life de violet91, postée le 09-03-2012 à 23:59:18 (S | E)
Hello lea,
Ton texte promettait d'être charmant . Peut-on le voir corrigé ? As-tu compris les interventions rouges et le pourquoi du comment ?
Ce serait agréable et encore plus profitable de voir la 2ème version. Merci ?
Réponse: Correction/Best day in life de lea10, postée le 11-03-2012 à 17:16:12 (S | E)
Bonjour
Voici le corrigé : (Je pense avoir compris mes fautes, sauf une : Pourquoi dans la phrase "When we came in the breeding, all dog jumped on us" on ne peut pas dire "in the breeding" ? Où est ma faute ?)
The best day of my life was when I have had my dog. When I was young, my father wanted a dog but my mother didn't agree. After a time, my Father finally convinced her. May 8th 2006, my family and I went to Heudicourt to fetch my dog. Previously, we thought about his first name. The majority liked the name "Baxie", so we called her like that. When we came in the breeding, all dogs jumped on us. It was very fun. Then, we chose one, and after signing paper, we left.
When we got back home, our dog seemed lost. She would take time to adapt. I spent the afternoon to give her some cuddles. We offered her a toy, a teddy bear that makes noise when you push it, and she wanted play with all day. Unfortunately, after three days, the teddy bear was torn to pieces. At night, I slept with her to keep an eye on she.
I think it was the most beautiful day of my life because since this day, my dog has always been here for me. Now, I look on her as my best friend or my sister. She is the most adorable with me. When I'm feeling sad, I tell her the reason of my sadness and things turn all right. I am very happy to have her. Now, I couldn't live without her. I didn't think a dog could bring so much happiness in a life.
Réponse: Correction/Best day in life de sherry48, postée le 11-03-2012 à 19:24:59 (S | E)
Hello lea10.
In general, your corrections have improved your text. For breeding, click traduire cet extrait and see if that is the word you want. It seems to me you entered a room, didn't you?
For the first sentence, I thought you might use the verb 'to get'.
For the date, correct the punctuation.
In one case you have his name, and another called her...one of these is incorrect.
all the dogs jumped
If you signed just one paper, you signed a paper, but if there was more than one, make it plural.
I spent the afternoon to give her some cuddles...a gerund is better than the infinitive....but...and she wanted play (infinitive) with (missing pronoun) all day
At night, I slept with her to keep an eye on she...use an object pronoun.
After tell her the reason of, a different prepostion is often used, and things turn all right...there is usually another word after turn.
Keep up the good work.
Sherry
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Modifié par sherry48 le 11-03-2012 19:25
Réponse: Correction/Best day in life de violet91, postée le 11-03-2012 à 20:25:16 (S | E)
Hello lea,
Merci de nous proposer ta deuxième mouture. Bon travail, d'ores et déjà
La plus grosse faute que tu fasses est de confondre " she " sujet avec " her' complément.
Sherry t'a proposé des améliorations , voici les miennes.
- au lieu de "got my dog " qui est déjà correct , tu pourrais employer une forme passive ( à ton programme). I (be au prétérit) give (au p.passé irrég.)/ offer (rég.)
-il faudrait introduire très vite le sexe du chien : a she- dog / a female dog (moins usité).Donc parlant de Baxie, tu diras : she ; her (cod ou cplt) ; her (adj.poss.)
- La date est marquée de la préposition ' on' comme dans 'I was born on'... : on May 8th 2006.
- you arrived (varie les verbes de mouvement)at the breeding centre. Or at the breeder's place.( si l'éleveur /veuse ne fait qu'une race.Au fait, quelle race ?
- Previously n'est pas le bon mot = auparavant . First of all = la première chose que nous avons faite c'est lui chercher un prénom.
-D'un chien joyeux , on dit plutôt : to leap (irrég.) onto...
- To push : erreur / To press on...
- Torn into pieces. (transformation complète d'état)
- since this day ( il y a déjà trop de ' days ' dans le texte ) , utilise un adv. temporel comme then. = since then = depuis , depuis ce temps.
- Such happiness in a life ? Tu parles de généralité : alors : somebody's life or one's life.( ou, in my life)
..........A nous 3, tu devrais obtenir a charming little text. See you.
Réponse: Correction/Best day in life de lea10, postée le 11-03-2012 à 21:35:30 (S | E)
Merci beaucoup pour vos conseils qui m'ont été très utiles. Je vais corriger mes erreurs et améliorer un maximum mon texte avec vos propositions.
Encore merci !
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