Correction/cover letter

Correction/cover letter
Message de eireso3 posté le 30-11-2012 à 11:43:32 (S | E | F)
Hello !

Can I ask you for help ?!
I would like to surprise a potential employer with an English cover letter even if it is for a job in France...
But I think I did made mistakes and I'm not always sure that the sentences are correct..
It could be really nice if someone could give me some advice, it is for a position as receptionist for the ski season.
Thanks a lot !
Re: job application

Dear Ms xxxxx,

Following your add n°xxxx on the website Pole Emploi, I would like to apply as a receptionist.

First I chose to write my cover letter in English because I know that a good English level is required to work during the ski season in France, as customers are mostly foreign people.

In fact, I have work experience in all kind of accommodations and places, in France and abroad. That proves you of how easily I can join a new team and work environment.

Then, I think that responsibilities are what make a job more challenging.
Which ones can be well assumed with organization and energy.
Besides I also have good computer and communication skills. And I sincerely care about people having a nice stay and that’s probably what makes the difference in delivering effective services.

Finally, my definition of a good receptionist is to be discreet but efficient.
That is how I would like to represent your establishment, so please consider me a serious candidate for the position.
I look forward to a personal meeting so that I can provide you with additional information to supplement what appears on my enclosure resume.

Yours sincerely,

xxxxx
Enc: resume

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Modifié par lucile83 le 30-11-2012 21:00

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Réponse: Correction/cover letter de bernard02, postée le 30-11-2012 à 16:46:28 (S | E)
Bonjour,

j'ai déjà noté quelques points à revoir que je vous ai repérés en bleu ci-dessous.
Bon courage.

Dear Ms xxxxx,

Following your add n°xxxx on the website Pole Emploi, I would like to apply as (non: il faut une autre préposition) a receptionist.

First I chose to write my cover letter in English because I know that a good English level is required to work during the ski season in France, as customers (ne peut-on pas trouver un autre mot?) are mostly foreign people.

In fact, I have work experience in all kind of accommodations and places, in France and abroad. That proves you of how (à changer) easily I can (temps trop "direct") join a new team and work environment.

Then, I think that responsibilities are what make a job more challenging.
Which ones can be well assumed with organization (une lettre à changer dans ce mot si vous vous adressez à un interlocuteur qui s'exprime en anglais/britannique) and energy.
Besides I also have good computer and communication skills. And I sincerely care about people having a nice stay and that’s probably what makes the difference in delivering effective services.

Finally, my definition of a good receptionist is to be discreet but efficient.
That is how I would like to represent your establishment, so please consider me a (il manque quelque chose) serious candidate for the position (autre nom, non?).
I look forward to a personal meeting (meeting convient plutôt pour une assemblée, je ne crois pas que ce soit le cas ici!) so that I can provide you with additional information to supplement (autre verbe) what appears on my enclosure resume.

Yours sincerely,

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Modifié par bernard02 le 30-11-2012 21:22

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Réponse: Correction/cover letter de eireso3, postée le 30-11-2012 à 21:11:24 (S | E)
Merci beaucoup cela m est très utile !

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Réponse: Correction/cover letter de notrepere, postée le 30-11-2012 à 23:50:17 (S | E)
Hello -

Following your add n°xxxx on the website Pole Emploi, I would like to apply as a receptionist ('as' is OK, but then you need something else. It's better to say 'I would like to apply for the position of 'Receptionist' in your company).

First I chose to write my cover letter in English because I know that a good English level is required to work during the ski season in France, as customers are mostly foreigners.

In fact, I have work experience in all kinds of accommodations and places, in France and abroad. That proves to you of (inutile) how easily I can join a new team and work environment.

Secondly, I think that responsibilities are what make a job more challenging.
Which ones can be well assumed (extrait à revoir) with organization and energy.
Additionally, I also have good computer and communication skills. And I sincerely care about people having a nice stay and that’s probably what makes the difference in delivering effective services.

Finally, my definition of a good receptionist is to be discreet but efficient.
That is how I would like to represent your establishment, so please consider me a serious candidate for the position.
I look forward to a personal meeting so that I can provide you with additional information to supplement what appears on my enclosed resume.

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Modifié par notrepere le 01-12-2012 00:32

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