Correction/ Rate of cancer

Correction/ Rate of cancer
Message de zawa posté le 11-02-2013 à 16:16:05 (S | E | F)
Bonjour

J'ai rédigé un texte en anglais mais j'aimerais savoir s'il contient encore des fautes. Pouvez-vous s'il vous plait me montrer où sont mes fautes dans mon texte? et je tenterai de les corriger...
Merci beaucoup

This article taken from the monthly The Connection published in December 2010. It is entitled “Cancer deaths Fall in France” and emphasizes the decrease of the rate of cancers both among the men than the woman (Je veux dire : met en valeur la diminution du taux de cancer tant chez les Hommes que chez les femmes , Est ce correct? ) . I have chosen to read from line 1 to 5 to emphasize the fall of cancer deaths in France.

Firstly we will see why the cancer rate has Decreased.
Then I will explain the Measures taken to continue on this way.

Why the cancer rate HAS Decreased.
- Indeed, this text learns us that cancer rates fell sharply (line 1 “Cancer deaths have dropped … among women”).
- An INCA spokeswoman is interviewed (line 9 "Lifestyle risk factors are also lesser ").
- She explains the decrease in cancer rates is partly due to the reduction of alcohol and tobacco by current generations.

We have seen that the rate of cancer was significantly decreased, now I will explain the Measures taken to continue on this way.

Measures taken to continue on this way
- All cancers cannot be cured
- However, new medical techniques allow patients to live better and longer.
- Cancer screening from a certain age is strongly recommended, (Line 21 “Women are invited to be screened at 50 for cervical” To diagnose cancer earlier and treat it better.

We can conclude by saying that the rate of cancer in considerably decreased during these last twenty years. Particularly because of a change of lifestyle. How come ?

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Modifié par lucile83 le 11-02-2013 16:38

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Réponse: Correction/ Rate of cancer de gerondif, postée le 11-02-2013 à 20:55:50 (S | E)
Bonsoir,
This article ****(auxiliaire,) taken (le verbe venir au présent irait mieux) from the monthly The Connection published in December 2010. It is entitled “Cancer deaths Fall in France” and emphasizes the decrease of the rate of cancers both among the men than the woman (Je veux dire : met en valeur la diminution du taux de cancer tant chez les Hommes que chez les femmes , Est ce correct? ) . I have chosen to read from line 1 to 5 to emphasize the fall of cancer deaths in France.

Firstly we will see why the cancer rate has Decreased.
Then I will explain the Measures taken to continue on this way.

Why the cancer rate HAS Decreased.
- Indeed, this text learns(mauvais choix) us that cancer rates fell sharply (line 1 “Cancer deaths have dropped … among women”).
- An INCA spokeswoman is interviewed (line 9 "Lifestyle risk factors are also lesser ").
- She explains the decrease in cancer rates is partly due to the reduction of alcohol and tobacco by current(utilisez aujourd'hui en 's) generations.

We have seen that the rate of cancer was significantly decreased, now I will explain the Measures taken to continue on this way.

Measures taken to continue on this way
- All cancers cannot be cured
- However, new medical techniques allow patients to live better and longer.
- Cancer screening from a certain age is strongly recommended, (Line 21 “Women are invited to be screened at 50 for cervical” To diagnose cancer earlier and treat it better.

We can conclude by saying that the rate of cancer in(traducteur?) considerably decreased during these last twenty years. Particularly because of a change of lifestyle. How come ?

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