Correction /Western Culture

Correction /Western Culture
Message de dexik posté le 23-02-2013 à 05:17:07 (S | E | F)
Bonjour

J'aimerais votre aide pour corriger mon devoir maison d'anglais que je dois rendre lundi
Merci pour vos réponses.
Sujet : What is the impact of Western culture on the Polynesian cultural identity?

Le texte en français ( pas besoin de corriger, c'est juste si vous ne comprenez pas ce que j'ai voulu dire en anglais... )
Autrefois, les populations polynésiennes vivaient en harmonie avec la nature, elles vivaient de ses ressources et ne se préoccupait pas du lendemain. L’arrivée des colons changea leur mode de vie du tout au tout, ils leur imposèrent leur religion, leurs croyances et leurs coutumes. Bien souvent cela se faisait de force et grâce à leur technologie avancée les colons réussissaient à faire battre en retraite les indigènes. L’Australie et la Nouvelle-Zélande n’échappèrent pas à cette colonisation ainsi les peuples aborigènes et maori se firent assaillir par l’ennemi.
Dès lors, les polynésiens s’imprégnèrent petit à petit de cette culture occidentale. On en voit aujourd’hui le résultat : le style vestimentaire, l’alimentation et les arts sont fortement influencés par celle-ci : McDonald’s, Abercrombie&Fitch et autres musiques modernes font leur apparition. Cela permet aux pays d’être présent à l’international mais cela fait aussi disparaitre peu à peu la culture polynésienne. Le peuple polynésien commence peu à peu à oublier sa culture et les écrits n’existant pas à l’époque c’est bien souvent par voie orale qu’elle était transmise. Aujourd’hui, la culture occidentale est ancrée dans le mode de vie polynésien et nous ne pouvons pas nous en défaire. Nous ne pouvons pas retourner aux origines vivre des ressources naturelles parait aujourd’hui impensable à cause de l’urbanisation. La seule façon de préserver la culture polynésienne est de l’enseigner à la population, principalement via le système scolaire et l’éducation.

Le texte en anglais :
In the old days, Polynesians populations lived in harmony with nature; they lived off the lands and didn’t care about the next day. The arrival of settlers changed their way of life completely; they imposed their religion, their beliefs and their mores. It often does by the force and grace of their advanced technology the settlers succeeded to beat retreat the natives. Australia and New Zealand didn’t escape this colonization thus the aboriginal people and maori people became assault by the enemies.
Therefore, the Polynesians were permeated gradually by this western culture. Today, we can see the result: the style dress, the alimentation and the arts are strongly influenced by this one: McDonald’s, Abercrombie & Fitch and others modern music makes their appearance. This allows countries to be present at the international but it also disappear gradually the Polynesian culture. The Polynesian people gradually begin to forget his culture and the writings do not exist at the time, it’s often by oral that it was convoyed. Today, the occidental culture is anchored in Polynesian way of life and we can’t undo it. We can’t return to the origins: live off the lands now appears impossible because of the urbanization. The only manner to preserve the Polynesian culture is to teach it at the population, principally via the school system and the education

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Modifié par lucile83 le 23-02-2013 08:30

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Réponse: Correction /Western Culture de sherry48, postée le 24-02-2013 à 01:18:18 (S | E)
Hello.
Here are a few areas to take a look at.

In the old days, Polynesians populations /the Polynesian population lived in harmony with nature; they lived off the lands and didn’t care about the next day. The arrival of settlers changed their way of life completely; they imposed their religion, their beliefs and their mores. It often does by the force and grace of their advanced technology the settlers succeeded to beat__ retreat the natives. Australia and New Zealand didn’t escape this colonization; thus the aboriginal people and maori people became assault__ by the enemies. (singular)?
Therefore, the Polynesians were permeated gradually by this western culture. Today, we can see the result: the style __ dress, the alimentation and the arts are strongly influenced by this one: McDonald’s, Abercrombie & Fitch and others modern music makes their appearance. This allows countries to be present at the international but the Polynesian culture it also disappear_ gradually the Polynesian culture. The Polynesian people gradually begin to forget his culture and the writings do not exist at the time, it’s often by oral__ that it was convoyed. Today, the occidental culture is anchored in __ Polynesian way of life and we can’t undo it. We can’t return to the origins: liv__ off the lands now appears impossible because of the urbanization. The only manner (a synonym here) to preserve the Polynesian culture is to teach it at the population, principally via the school system and the education.
Sherry

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Réponse: Correction /Western Culture de dexik, postée le 25-02-2013 à 08:01:06 (S | E)
Hello,

In the old days, the polynesian population lived in harmony with nature; they lived off the land and didn’t care about the next day. The arrival of settlers changed their way of life completely; they imposed their religion, their beliefs and their mores. Often by force and thanks to their advanced technology the settlers succeeded to beating a retreat the natives. Australia and New Zealand didn’t escape this colonization thus the aboriginal people and Maori people were assault by the enemy. ( ? )
Therefore, Polynesians were gradually permeated by this western culture. Today, we can see the result: the style dress, the alimentation and the arts are strongly influenced by this one: McDonald’s, Abercrombie & Fitch and other modern music made their appearance. This allows countries to be present at the international (? ) but the polynesian culture also gradually disappear. The Polynesian people gradually begin to forget their culture and the writing don’t exist at the time, it’s often by oral (? ) that it was convoyed. Today, occidental culture is anchored in the Polynesian way of life and we can’t undo it. We can’t return to origins: living off the land now appears impossible because of the urbanization. The only way to preserve the Polynesian culture is to teach it to the population, principally via the school system and the education

Please, need some help
Je rends mon devoir maison demain

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Modifié par lucile83 le 25-02-2013 08:07

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Réponse: Correction /Western Culture de sherry48, postée le 25-02-2013 à 12:49:48 (S | E)
Hello.
You've made some good corections.
Paragraph 1: all nationalities and ethnicities are capitalized. It is the settlers who caused the natives to 'beat a retreat. These people were assault__ by the enemy.
Paragraph 2: the style __ dress, the alimentation sounds more French, but it does exist in English, but the arts are strongly influenced by this one: to what does the word one refer?
This allows countries to be present at the international ... I wasn't sure if you meant an international presence?
The Polynesian people gradually begin to forget their culture and the writing don’t exist at the time, (past tense) it’s often by oral (ending in ly )
living off the land now appears impossible because of the urbanization.
Sherry

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Réponse: Correction /Western Culture de dexik, postée le 26-02-2013 à 05:53:38 (S | E)
Thank you so much !
My last try and I send it to my teacher :

In the old days, the Polynesian population lived in harmony with nature; they lived off the land and didn’t care about the next day. The arrival of settlers changed their way of life completely; they imposed their religion, their beliefs and their mores. Often by force and thanks to their advanced technology the settlers the natives to beat a retreat. Australia and New Zealand didn’t escape this colonization thus the aboriginal people and Maori people were assaulted by the enemy.
Therefore, Polynesians were gradually permeated by this western culture. Today, we can see the result: the fashion dress, the alimentation and the arts are strongly influenced by this western culture: McDonald’s, Abercrombie & Fitch and other modern music made their appearance. This allows to develop countries and open them to the world and the modernization. Modern technologies shared to the colonized countries help them to develop their territory, to find resources and manage financially and politically their country.
But the polynesian culture also gradually disappear. The Polynesian people gradually began to forget their culture and writing didn’t exist at the time, it’s often orally that it was convoyed. Today, occidental culture is anchored in the Polynesian way of life and we can’t undo it. We can’t return to origins: living off the land now appears impossible because of urbanization. The only way to preserve the Polynesian culture is to teach it to the population, principally via the school system and the education

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Modifié par lucile83 le 26-02-2013 08:44

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Réponse: Correction /Western Culture de sherry48, postée le 26-02-2013 à 13:18:24 (S | E)
Hello.
1. Often by force and thanks to their advanced technology the settlers forced the natives to beat a retreat... or the natives were forced to....
2. Therefore, Polynesians were gradually permeated by this western culture. It is actually the Polynesian culture that was permeated, and not the Polynesians.
3. the fashion __ dress or style __ dress...missing a preposition. (of)
4. shared takes a different preposition
Sorry, ran out of time!
Sherry

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Réponse: Correction /Western Culture de dexik, postée le 27-02-2013 à 07:26:36 (S | E)
Hello,
I send my work, thank you for everything ! hope I will have at least 15/20

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Modifié par lucile83 le 27-02-2013 07:54

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