Abstract /Avant propos

Abstract /Avant propos
Message de superbibine posté le 01-05-2013 à 11:03:50 (S | E | F)
Dear all,

I have just written an abstract for my year-end report, and I need your help.
Could you please read it and tell me if you notice mistakes?
Thanks in advance,


Since september, I have performed a sandwich course in order to pass a vocational degree (licence professionnelle) specialized on payroll and social.
I was taken on as an apprentice in an accounting firm, located at … and I have been more particularly assigned in the payroll and social department.
During my apprenticeship, in addition to a lot of varied tasks, I was in charge of managing a customer file in its entirety.
In order to perform my task well, I have to prove discretion, organisation and rigourous.Moreover, doing an accurate social watch is one of my main concerns because the social area is very controlled and the rules evolve quickly.
This experience gives me the opportunity to put into practice the knowledges that I have gained thanks to the theoretical teaching.
This report is the outcome of an experience that I would describe as rewarding both from personnal and professional standpoint.

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Modifié par lucile83 le 01-05-2013 12:04

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Réponse: Abstract /Avant propos de hushpuppy, postée le 01-05-2013 à 12:49:45 (S | E)
Hello,
The errors are marked with a line and

Since september, I have performed a sandwich course in order to pass a vocational degree (licence professionnelle) specialized on payroll and social.
I was taken on as an apprentice in an accounting firm, located at … and I have been more particularly assigned in the payroll and social department.
During my apprenticeship, in addition to a lot of varied tasks, I was in charge of managing a customer file in its entirety(just one?).
In order to perform my task_ well, I have ___ to prove discretion, organisation and rigourous.Moreover, doing an accurate social watch is one of my main concerns because the social area is very controlled and the rules evolve quickly.
This experience gives me the opportunity to put into practice the knowledges that I have gained_ thanks to the theoretical teaching.
This report is the outcome of an experience that I would describe as rewarding both from _ personnal and professional standpoint.

After you have made revisions, we can revisit it again to be sure. Great writing in any case !

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Réponse: Abstract /Avant propos de bluestar, postée le 01-05-2013 à 13:23:22 (S | E)
bonjour..

Since september (majuscule), I have performed (change tense to present perfect progressive..."I have been ---ing"; "perform" is not the correct verb)a sandwich course in order to pass a vocational degree (licence professionnelle) specialized (-ing) on in payroll and social.
I was taken on as an apprentice in an accounting firm, located at … and I have been more particularly assigned in (mauvaise prep.) the payroll and social department.
During my apprenticeship, in addition to a lot of varied tasks, I was in charge of managing a customer file in its entirety.
In order to perform my task well, I have to prove discretion, organisation and rigourous (nom pas adjectif ici).Moreover, doing an accurate social watch is one of my main concerns because the social area is very controlled and the rules evolve quickly.
This experience gives (temps; present perfect) me the opportunity to put into practice the knowledges that I have gained thanks to the theoretical teaching.
This report is the outcome of an experience that I would describe as rewarding both from personnal and professional standpoint

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Réponse: Abstract /Avant propos de superbibine, postée le 01-05-2013 à 14:05:57 (S | E)
Thanks a lot for your answers
Is it better like this ?

Since September, I have been undertaking a sandwich course in order to pass a vocational degree (licence professionnelle) specializing in payroll and social.
I was taken on as an apprentice in an accounting firm, located at … and I have been more particularly assigned to the payroll and social department.
During my apprenticeship, in addition to a lot of varied tasks, I was in charge of managing a customer file in its entirety.
In order to perform my tasks well, I have to implement discretion, organisation and rigor.
Moreover, doing an accurate social watch has been one of my main concerns because the social area is very controlled and the rules evolve quickly.
This experience has given me the opportunity to put into practice the knowledge that I have acquired thanks to the theoretical teaching.
This report is the outcome of an experience that I would describe as rewarding both from personal and professional standpoint.

Thanks in advance,

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Réponse: Abstract /Avant propos de hushpuppy, postée le 01-05-2013 à 14:47:54 (S | E)
Since September, I have been undertaking a sandwich course in order to pass a vocational degree (licence professionnelle) specializing in payroll and social(work)/human resources.

("a sandwich course" is a British expression. In America, we would consider this as a literal term, a course for making sandwiches. I don't know the purpose for this abstract, but if used in the UK, it probably works. Otherwise, supplemental course, work-study course, and others would be much better.)

I was taken on as an apprentice in an accounting firm, located at … and I have been more particularly assigned to the payroll and social department.

"I have been assigned to tasks that are more particular to the payroll and social department."
"I was assigned particularly to the payroll and social department."
Je crois que "plus particulièrement assigné" n'existe pas en français non plus.

During my apprenticeship, in addition to a lot of varied tasks, I was in charge of managing a customer file in its entirety.

J'avais le marqué avant parce que vous devrez mettre l'importance sur le client en premier si c'est seulement d'un.
"I was in charge of managing a customer's file in its entirety, in addition to many other varied tasks."


In order to perform my tasks well, I have ___ (passé composé) to implement discretion, organisation and rigor.

Moreover, doing an accurate social watch has been one of my main concerns because the social area is very controlled and the rules evolve quickly.

This experience has given me the opportunity to put into practice the knowledge that I have acquired_(ponctuation) thanks to the theoretical teaching.

This report is the outcome of an experience that I would describe as rewarding both from _ (standpoint est singulier, donc...) personal and professional standpoint.

Encore une fois, bon travail

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Réponse: Abstract /Avant propos de bluestar, postée le 01-05-2013 à 16:32:57 (S | E)
Bonjour..

A few additional suggestions: "I have been attending a sandwich course.." would be a little better than "undertaking etc."

"More particularly"..could be left out completely. It's hard to see that it serves any useful purpose.

"To implement discretion, organisation and rigor"...It would be better to say:
"to be discreet, well-organised and rigorous"...It is hard to see how "organisation" could be "implemented".

"Moreover, doing an accurate social watch has been one of my main concerns because the social area is very controlled and the rules evolve quickly"..The meaning of this sentence is obscure to me, but I assume that those who read your abstract will understand it..

Good luck!

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Réponse: Abstract /Avant propos de superbibine, postée le 01-05-2013 à 17:54:56 (S | E)
Thanks a lot for your advice that I have understood without any problem ! I am a student and I would like to have a good abstract, so your advice is very valuable for me ! Indeed, my English is not perfect !
I have corrected my abstract by following all your indications.

Since September, I have been attending a sandwich course in order to pass a vocational degree specializing in payroll and social work.

HUSHPUPPY, In my case, I am sure that "sandwich course" will suit, but thanks for this clarification .

I was taken on as an apprentice in an accounting firm, located at … and I have been assigned to the payroll and social department.
During my apprenticeship, I was in charge of managing a customer's file in its entirety, in addition to many other varied tasks.
In order to perform my tasks well, I have been (good tense?) discreet, well organized, and rigorous. Moreover, doing an accurate social watch has been one of my main concerns because the social area is very controlled and the laws evolve quickly.
This experience has given me the opportunity to put into practice the knowledge that I have acquired, thanks to the theoretical teaching.
This report is the outcome of an experience that I would describe as rewarding both from a personal than professional standpoint.

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Modifié par lucile83 le 01-05-2013 18:50

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Réponse: Abstract /Avant propos de bluestar, postée le 01-05-2013 à 21:53:06 (S | E)
Bonjour...

Your English is very good. Here are two minor corrections.
In order to perform my tasks well, I have been (good tense?) had to be discreet, well organized, and rigorous.
This report is the outcome of an experience that I would describe as rewarding both from a personal than and professional standpoint.

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Réponse: Abstract /Avant propos de hushpuppy, postée le 01-05-2013 à 23:47:54 (S | E)
Since September, I have been attending a sandwich course in order to pass a vocational degree specializing in payroll and social work.

I was taken on as an apprentice in an accounting firm, located at … and I have been assigned to the payroll and social department.
During my apprenticeship, I was in charge of managing a customer's file in its entirety, in addition to many other varied tasks.

In order to perform my tasks well, I have been (good tense?) discreet, well organized, and rigorous.
J'aimais beaucoup ce que vous en avez écrit en premier, avec l'addition de "had" pour le passé composé :
In order to perform my tasks well, I have had to implement discretion, organisation and rigor.

Moreover, doing an accurate social watch has been one of my main concerns because the social area is very controlled and the laws evolve quickly.
This experience has given me the opportunity to put into practice the knowledge that I have acquired, thanks to the theoretical teaching.

This report is the outcome of an experience that I would describe as rewarding both from a personal and professional standpoint.

I just want to clarify the difference between social work and human resources, because I wasn't sure which one you meant, but because of the language of the abstract, I'm leaning towards human resources.
Social work : work involving disabilities, foster homes for children, and many other areas for the public.
Human resources : A department in a company that deals with bettering work environments, handles workers' and customers' complaints.

C'est très bien.

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Modifié par hushpuppy le 01-05-2013 23:54

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Réponse: Abstract /Avant propos de superbibine, postée le 03-05-2013 à 17:35:26 (S | E)


Thanks a lot !

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