Oral /aide

Oral /aide
Message de sarah34 posté le 19-05-2013 à 18:57:47 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,

j'ai un oral de bac à passer en anglais, j'ai choisi un des sujets. Ma passion la danse hip-hop. Pourrai-je avoir une correction s'il vous plaît s'il y a des fautes.
Merci pour vos réponses.

My passion the hip hop dance

My first name is Sarah and my surname is … I go to school in xxx. The name of my school is …
First, I'll tell why I love hip-hop.
Then, I'tell why i have the reason to stop practicing dance.
Hip-hop is, above all, a complete cultural and artistic movement that emerged in the United States in the Bronx is a poor neighborhood of New York in the early 1970s. The "Hip-hop" label that continues in different form of art that include music and dance. There are also also style and street-art.
I discovered this style of dance first on TV I liked the style of music that followed the style of dance. As I was passionate I enrolled in an activity center at the age of nine. Then at the age of eleven I enrolled in a dance club in xxx.
I practiced five years from the age of nine to thirteen.
I stopped doing because the dancer was gone and there was a story that we put a lot of pressure they get excited quickly, and I have to stop because there was a lot of competition it took me hours to review my time in the evening, so do not motivai That to me for review.
But that does not stop me from watching videos of the show and télèvision to do with my friends when I have free time.
To conclude, I do not regret having to stop practicing because it was in my best interest for my future.

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Modifié par lucile83 le 19-05-2013 21:53

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Réponse: Oral /aide de lucile83, postée le 20-05-2013 à 14:16:41 (S | E)
Up

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Réponse: Oral /aide de hushpuppy, postée le 20-05-2013 à 14:27:26 (S | E)
Bonjour Sarah,
Il y a des corrections en bleu :

My passion: the hip hop dance

My first name is Sarah and my surname is xxx. I go to school in xxx The name of my school is --(préposition de lieu) xxx.
First, I'll tell ---(qui?) why I love hip-hop. Then, I'tell(comme l’autre) why i have(passé) the(article indéfini) reason to stop practicing dance.
Hip-hop is, above all, a complete cultural and artistic movement that emerged in the United States in the Bronx, is a poor neighborhood of(autre préposition) New York, in the early 1970s. The "Hip-hop" label that continues in different form(pluriel) of art that include music and dance. There are(singulier parce que d’après le premier nom est singulier) also also (adjectif) style and street-art. I discovered this style of dance(plutôt: hip-hop) first on TV I liked the style of music that followed the style of dance. As I was passionate I enrolled in an activity center at the age of nine. Then at the age of eleven I enrolled in a dance club in xxx. I practiced ---(préposition) five years from the age of nine to thirteen. I stopped doing –-(pronom) because the dancer was gone and there was a story that we put a lot of pressure they get excited quickly(j’ai du mal de comprendre le sens de cette phrase), and I have(passé) to stop because there was a lot of competition it took me hours to review my time(autre mot) in the evening, so do not motivai That to me for review(j’ai du mal de comprendre celle-ci aussi). But that does not stop me from watching videos(recordings?) of the show and télèvision ---(conjonction) to do(présent progressif) –(pronom) with my friends when I have free time.
To conclude, I do not regret having to stop practicing (nom) because it was in my best interest for my(non possessif) future.

Je n'ai pas corrigé les erreurs de ponctuation puisque c'est oral.
C'est à vous

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Réponse: Oral /aide de sarah34, postée le 25-05-2013 à 22:56:47 (S | E)
Bonjour, merci pour la correction ;j'ai essayé de faire au mieux. Pourriez- vous m'aider s'il vous plaît; merci.

My name is Sarah xxx. I go to school in xxx --(préposition de lieu) xxx.
First, I'll tell ---(qui?) why I love hip-hop. Then, I'tell (comme l’autre) why i had the reason to stop practicing dance.
Hip-hop is, above all, a complete cultural and artistic movement that emerged in the United States in the Bronx, a poor neighborhood the New York, in the early 1970s. The "Hip-hop" label continues in different forms of art that include music and dance. There is also style and street-art. I discovered hip-hop first on TV I liked the style of music that followed the style of dance. As I was passionate I enrolled in an activity center at the age of nine. Then at the age of eleven I enrolled in a dance club in xxx. I practiced of five years from the age of nine to thirteen. I stopped doing I because the dancer was gone and there was a story that we put a lot of pressure they get excited quickly( le danseur était parti et il y avait une nouvelle mais je ne l'aimai pas beaucoup car elle ne savait pas nous faire cour ), and I had to stop because there was a lot of competition it took me hours to review my time(je n'ai pas trouver d'autre mot pouvez m'en proposez svp) in the evening, so do not motivai That to me for review(j’ai du mal de comprendre celle-ci aussi). But that does not stop me from watching recordings of the show and télèvision ---(conjonction) to do(présent progressif) I with my friends when I have free time.
To conclude, I do not regret having to stop practicing Hip hop because it was in my best interest forme future.

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Modifié par lucile83 le 25-05-2013 22:58

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Réponse: Oral /aide de hushpuppy, postée le 26-05-2013 à 01:23:00 (S | E)
Bonjour Sarah, s'il vous plaît lire les instructions dans les parenthèses, merci

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Modifié par hushpuppy le 28-05-2013 00:14
Je ne le répéterai plus, c'est à vous.

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Réponse: Oral /aide de lucile83, postée le 26-05-2013 à 09:09:45 (S | E)
Hello sarah34,

Merci de retravailler votre texte sérieusement.
hushpuppy vous a indiqué des erreurs à corriger, vous devez les corriger car personne ne le fera à votre place.
A vous maintenant, nous attendons une correction digne de ce nom

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Réponse: Oral /aide de sarah34, postée le 26-05-2013 à 13:32:31 (S | E)
Bonjour,
merci pour la correction. J'ai corrigé.
Est- ce qu'il y a encore des erreurs?
Merci

First, I'll tell your why I love hip-hop. Then, I'tell your why I had a reason to stop practicing dance.
Hip-hop is, above all, a complete cultural and artistic movement that emerged in the United States in the Bronx, a poor neighborhood the New York, in the early 1970s. The "Hip-hop" label continues in different forms of art that include music and dance. There is also style and street-art. I discovered hip-hop first on TV I liked the style of music that followed the style of dance. As I was passionate I enrolled in an activity center at the age of nine. Then at the age of eleven I enrolled in a dance club in xxx. I practiced to five years from the age of nine to thirteen. I stopped doing I because, my dance coach was gone. For news came, she did not know who to us during my most motivai. And I had to stop because it took me a lot of time in the evening, in my hours of homework. I was on Tuesday and Friday from seven o'clock to nine in the evening. Then on Saturday afternoon we trained for competitions.
But that does not stop me from watching recordings of the show and télèvision. As soon as I have time I am dancing hip hop I with my friends when I have free time and
evening.
To conclude, I do not regret having to stop practicing hip hop because it was in my best interest for I future.

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Modifié par lucile83 le 26-05-2013 13:41

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Réponse: Oral /aide de hushpuppy, postée le 27-05-2013 à 00:01:27 (S | E)
Bonjour,
C'est mieux

First, I'll tell your why I love hip-hop. Then, I'tell your why I had a reason to stop practicing dance.
Hip-hop is, above all, a complete cultural and artistic movement that emerged in the United States in the Bronx, a poor neighborhood the(préposition) New York, in the early 1970s. The "Hip-hop" label continues in different forms of art that include music and dance. There is also style and street-art. I discovered hip-hop first on TV I liked the style of music that followed the style of dance. As I was passionate I enrolled in an activity center at the age of nine. Then at the age of eleven I enrolled in a dance club in xxx. I practiced for five years from the age of nine to thirteen. I stopped doing --(Je l’arrêtais) because, my dance coach was gone. For news(ce n'est pas "les nouvelles", c'est "la nouvelle personne) came, she did not know how to teach us during my most motivai. And I had to stop because it took me a lot of time in the evening, in my hours of homework. I was (doing something?) on Tuesday and Friday from seven o'clock to nine in the evening. Then on Saturday afternoon we trained for competitions.
But that does not stop me from watching recordings of the show and télèvision. As soon as I have time I dance hip hop with my friends when I have free time and
in the evening.
To conclude, I do not regret having to stop practicing hip hop because it was in my best interest for (article défini) future.

articles définis = le, la, les
articles indéfinis = un, une, des
prépositions = in, for, on, of, etc.
"style" a normalement un adjectif qui est un mot descriptif du nom. Par exemple : street style, hip-hop style, new groove style, etc.

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Réponse: Oral /aide de sarah34, postée le 27-05-2013 à 17:47:41 (S | E)
Merci pour la correction, il y a t-il encore des erreurs.

First, I'll tell your why I love hip-hop. Then, I'tell your why I had a reason to stop practicing dance.
Hip-hop is, above all, a complete cultural and artistic movement that emerged in the United States in the Bronx, a poor neighborhood in New York, in the early 1970s. The "Hip-hop" label continues in different forms of art that include music and dance. There is also style and street-art. ( Il y a aussi le style du streeat que j'aime). I discovered hip-hop first on TV I liked the style of music that followed the style of dance. As I was passionate I enrolled in an activity center at the age of nine. Then at the age of eleven I enrolled in a dance club in xxx. I practiced for five years from the age of nine to thirteen. I stopped doing because, my dance coach was gone. For new person came, she did not know how to teach us during my most motivai. ( Une nouvelle coatch danseuse est venu elle ne savait pas nous faire cours ce qui ma moins motivai) And I had to stop because it took me a lot of time in the evening, in my hours of homework. I was dancing every on Tuesday and Friday from seven o'clock to nine in the evening. Then on Saturday afternoon we trained for competitions.
But that does not stop me from watching recordings of the show and télèvision. As soon as I have time I dance hip hop with my friends and
in the evening.
To conclude, I do not regret having to stop practicing hip hop because it was in my best interest for a the future.

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