Correction/Cover Letter

Correction/Cover Letter
Message de discovolante posté le 20-12-2014 à 19:42:49 (S | E | F)
Bonsoir chers anglophiles,
Je viens de terminer ma lettre de motivation pour un stage de 6 mois en Asie, à destination d'une organisation internationale.Je voulais savoir si elle était correcte. Merci d'avance pour vos réponses.
Très bonnes fêtes à vous.

Subject: Work experience on Geographical Indications

Dear Sir or Madam,

As a student in the professional master's degree Development of Territories, Quality & Origin of Products at the University xxx in France, I would like to participate to the FAO/AFD project on promotion of rural development through development of Geographical Indications (GI) in Southeast Asia. A work experience in a foreign country would enable me to gain knowledge on GIs I need to improve my career prospects.

I am currently in charge of an audit of the freshly-developed GI “Asperges du Blayais”, which main purpose is finding new market opportunities by interviewing producers, wholesalers and retailers. Moreover, in a previous internship on a departmental association of organic agriculture, I was pleased to work with local farmers, by promoting their activities amongst consumers, and thus increase their visibility on the territory.

Such experience and skills gained throughout my education would be beneficial for your team. I have enclosed my curriculum vitæ for your review. I like meeting different people, and helping them pursuing common goals. Performing fieldwork in Southeast Asia is a chance to offer my adaptability and dynamism in a rich geographic region, whether culturally or environmentally.

A placement in your team from 1st March 2015 to 31st August 2015 would be a marvelous opportunity for me. Please do not hesitate to contact me at ***## or **** if I may answer any questions in a videoconference interview.

Yours faithfully,

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Modifié par lucile83 le 20-12-2014 21:47

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Réponse: Correction/Cover Letter de bluestar, postée le 21-12-2014 à 14:09:30 (S | E)
Bonjour...

erreurs en bleu

As a student in the professional master's degree Development of Territories, Quality & Origin of Products at the University xxx in France, I would like to participate to the FAO/AFD project on promotion of rural development through development of Geographical Indications (GI) in Southeast Asia. A work experience in a foreign country would enable me to gain knowledge on GIs I need to improve my career prospects.

I am currently in charge of an audit of the freshly-developed GI “Asperges du Blayais”, which(utiliser le pronom possessif) main purpose is finding new market opportunities by interviewing producers, wholesalers and retailers. Moreover, in a previous internship on a departmental association of organic agriculture, I was pleased to work with local farmers, by promoting their activities amongst consumers, and thus increase(utiliser le participe '-ing') their visibility on the territory.

Such experience and skills gained throughout my education would be beneficial for your team. I have enclosed my curriculum vitæ for your review. I like meeting different people, and helping them pursuing (utiliser l'infinitif)common goals. Performing fieldwork in Southeast Asia is a chance to offer my adaptability and dynamism in a rich geographic region, whether culturally or environmentally.

A placement in your team from 1st March 2015 to 31st August 2015 would be a marvelous opportunity for me. Please do not hesitate to contact me at ***## or **** if I may answer any questions in a videoconference interview.

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Réponse: Correction/Cover Letter de discovolante, postée le 23-12-2014 à 21:34:32 (S | E)
Merci Bluestar, j'ai apporté les corrections. Est-ce bon selon vous ?

Dear Sir or Madam,
As a student in the professional master's degree Development of Territories, Quality & Origin of Products at the University #### in France, I would like to participate in the FAO/AFD project on promotion of rural development through development of Geographical Indications (GI) in Southeast Asia. A work experience in a foreign country would enable me to gain knowledge about GIs I need to improve my career prospects.

I am currently in charge of an audit of the freshly-developed GI “Asperges du Blayais”, its main purpose is finding new market opportunities by interviewing producers, wholesalers and retailers. Moreover, in a previous internship in a departmental association of organic agriculture, I was pleased to work with local farmers, by promoting their activities amongst consumers, and thus increasing their visibility in the territory.

Such experience and skills gained throughout my education would be beneficial for your team. I have enclosed my curriculum vitæ for your review. I like meeting different people, and helping them pursue common goals. Performing fieldwork in Southeast Asia is a chance to offer my adaptability and dynamism in a rich geographic region, whether culturally or environmentally.

A placement in your team from 1st March 2015 to 31st August 2015 would be a marvelous opportunity for me. Please do not hesitate to contact me at #### or ####, if I may answer any additional questions in a videoconference interview.

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Réponse: Correction/Cover Letter de bluestar, postée le 23-12-2014 à 22:33:50 (S | E)
Bonsoir..

"Performing fieldwork in Southeast Asia is a chance to offer my adaptability and dynamism in a rich geographic region, whether etc.,"

Par souci de cohérence, je pense que vous devriez utiliser le conditionnel "would be" ici au lieu de "is" . Vous utilisez le conditionnel deux fois ailleurs dans votre lettre.

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Réponse: Correction/Cover Letter de discovolante, postée le 23-12-2014 à 22:53:50 (S | E)
Le conditionnel ça sonne mieux dans cette phrase en effet, merci pour vos conseils. Ma lettre a du corps, je pense qu'elle fera mouche. Très bonnes fêtes à vous .

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