Correction/Motivation

Correction/Motivation
Message de mehdi789 posté le 31-01-2015 à 16:03:49 (S | E | F)
Bonjour ,
je serai en mission en tant que bénévole en Australie et je voudrais svp s'il vous plaît que vous m'aidiez à corriger cette lettre,
Merci d'avance pour vos réponses.

Madam, Sir,

Very moved by any humane approach, it is with pleasure that I would place my experiment in this field at the disposal of your association, whose objectives will become mine.
Holder of a diploma of engineering logistics and transport of the University of xxx, I wish to propose to you my collaboration as a volunteer within your ONG. My team spirit and my direction of the communication will be certainly useful for you within your ONG.
I am motivated for all activities or missions related to my formation. I am open of spirit, positive, sociable, obliging, honest and respectful. Also I am a man of ground.
In my free time, I play football. I like also shopping, to look at television, the reading and do-it-yourself.
I also like to take part in group for the installation of a new humane structure: health, help, rehabilitation, development, and formation.
I have experience of two years work with group xxx in xxx as much as listener quality in the factories it is a work which is generally carried out in the factories of production.

Moreover, I had the occasion to work in the maritime field in the ports and on board ships.
Become autonomous, I am today able to deal with the intendance of any mission as much as voluntary with your ONG.
In waiting of an answer that I hope for positive, please receive Madam, Sir, and my sincere greetings

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 31-01-2015 16:08

---

Réponse: Correction/Motivation de here4u, postée le 31-01-2015 à 17:54:58 (S | E)
Hello !

I normally don't indicate the mistakes from the learners who have just joined to have a correction, but I'll do an exception for you, as you want to be a volunteer ...
bleu = wrong
green = suggestion
xxxxxx very clumsy
XXX missing elements

XXX Madam, XXX Sir,

Very moved ('moved' is badly chosen. It proves that you act following your emotions, which, believe me, is no method to work for an NGO=> 'concerned with/about?') by any humane approach, it is with pleasure that I would place(constr.) my experiment in this field at the disposal of your association, whose objectives will become mine.
Holder of a diploma of engineering logistics and transport of the University of xxx, I wish to propose to you my collaboration as a volunteer within your ONG. My team spirit and my direction of the communication(???) will be certainly useful(word order) for you within your ONG.

I am motivated for all activities or missions related to my formation. I am open of spirit, positive, sociable, obliging, honest and respectful. Also I am(word order) a man of ground.Lien internet

In my free time, I play football. I like also(word order) shopping, to look(constr + voc) at television, the reading and do-it-yourself.
I also like to take part in groupS for the installation of a new humane structure: health, help, rehabilitation, development, and formation.
I have XX experience of X two years work with X group xxx in xxx as much as listener quality?? in the factories it is a work which is generally carried out in the factories of production.

Moreover, I had the occasion to work in the maritime field in the ports and on board ships.
Become autonomous, I am today able to deal with the intendance of any mission as much as voluntary with your ONG.
In waiting of an answerI'm looking forward to hearing from you soon that I hope for positive, please receive Madam, Sir, and my sincere greetings
Dire que vous êtes prêt à donner des renseignements complémentaires.
Yours faithfully,

---

Réponse: Correction/Motivation de mehdi789, postée le 01-02-2015 à 15:49:55 (S | E)
merci beaucoup pour votre aide,,
;

---

[POSTER UNE NOUVELLE REPONSE] [Suivre ce sujet]

Cours gratuits > Forum > Thèmes généraux, jeux