Lettre motivation /aide

Lettre motivation /aide
Message de trucs16 posté le 02-05-2015 à 14:00:38 (S | E | F)
Bonjour à tous,
Je dois rédiger pour mes cours une lettre de motivation en anglais pour un poste en alternance.
J'ai rédigé la lettre qui suit, pourriez-vous jeter un coup d’œil et me dire ce que vous en pensez ?
(J'ai l'impression qu'il y a pas mal de fautes)
Merci pour vos réponses.

Prénom NOM
Adresse
Tel
E-mail


NOM DE L'ENTREPRISE
1221 Avenue of Americas, 12/F, 10020
New York – United States

May 14th, 2015

Subject: Sales Representative Apprenticeship contract

Dear Madam,

The “NOM DE L'ENTREPRISE” aims to become the reference for relationship banking?
I want to help make this ambition a reality.

NOM DE L'ENTREPRISE is known and recognized as one of the largest financial services companies in Europe. It shines with its expertise, and the quality and commitment of its teams. This implies on the part of employees, dynamism, honesty, motivation and discipline. I own these qualities, I'll be happy to prove it to you by my involvement and my investment in labor.

I got my French secondary school diploma in Economy and social with distinction. I begin this year a “DUT Gestion Administrative et Commerciale des Organisations” (Two-year university degree in technology) who includes marketing, accounting, statistics, communication, economy… I am convinced that the dynamism induced by these round trips between business and academia will strengthen my skills. It will be a real bridge for my future professional integration.

Organized, disciplined, and with a good analytical skills, I would now hold the position of manager installation in the business finance sector.

I look forward to meeting you. I will contact you to confirm that you received my application and to answer any questions you may have.
Thank you, in advance, for your consideration.

Sincerely,

Prenom NOM


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Modifié par lucile83 le 02-05-2015 14:14

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Réponse: Lettre motivation /aide de lucile83, postée le 03-05-2015 à 14:52:44 (S | E)
anyone?

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Réponse: Lettre motivation /aide de bluestar, postée le 03-05-2015 à 16:18:24 (S | E)
Bonjour..

quelques suggestions ci-dessous:

The “NOM DE L'ENTREPRISE” aims to become the reference for relationship banking? (ce n'est pas une question) and I want to help make this ambition a reality.

NOM DE L'ENTREPRISE is known and recognized as one of the largest financial services companies in Europe. It shines ('excels' est mieux) with its expertise, and the quality and commitment of its teams. This implies on the part of employees calls for dynamism, honesty, motivation and discipline on the part of employees . I own ('possess' convient plus ici) these qualities, I'll be happy to prove it to you by my involvement and my investment in labor. (ou 'commitment to work')

I got my French secondary school diploma in Economy and social with distinction. I begin (temps) this year a “DUT Gestion Administrative et Commerciale des Organisations” (Two-year university degree in technology) who includes marketing, accounting, statistics, communication, economy… I am convinced that the dynamism induced by these round trips between business and academia (sonne bizarre,a reformuler) will strengthen my skills. It will be a real bridge ('boost'?) for my future professional integration.(career?)

Organized, disciplined, and with a good analytical skills, I would now hold the position of manager installation (ordre des mots) in the business finance sector.

I look forward to meeting you. I will contact you to confirm that you received my application and to answer any questions you may have.
Thank you, in advance, for your consideration.

Sincerely,Yours faithfully

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