Aide/lettre motivation

Aide/lettre motivation
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Aide/lettre motivation
Message de doudah posté le 02-05-2015 à 22:59:02 (S | E | F)
Bonsoir à tous,
J'aurais besoin de votre aide afin de corriger les fautes de ma lettre de motivation. Je souhaite partir en Lithuanie une demi-année pour étudier, je suis en école d'ingénieur en Systemes Industriels.
Merci d'avance pour vos conseils, corrections et remarques.

"Dear Sir or Madam,

I am currently doing an Industrial System degree (3rd year) in the University of Technology of xxx, in France. And I would like to make an exchange for an Erasmus program in your University. So I decided to fill in an application form. Highly interested, I propose to you to examine my candidature.

Lithuania is a country which attracts me, due to its culture, its geographical situation, but also due to the mentality of people who lives there. I really appreciate the possibility to create a study plan, it is really interesting for me, indeed I can adapt my study plan with my actual degree. My main goal during this Erasmus exchange is to improve my English, and I am sure that the only way to improve your english hightly is to practice that’s why this is the perfect solution for me.
Since I started my studies I really wanted to spend one year or at least a half year abroad. I perfectly know that this opportunity constitutes an advantage on my resume, and that will enable me to integrate the professional life more easily, and that is why I am really motivated to do this exchange. Moreover, this opportunity to live in Lithuania will enable me to open my mind because of the culture is really different between our two country. Lastly, a half year abroad would be a personal experiment without any doubt very enriching.

Yours faithfully,"

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Modifié par lucile83 le 02-05-2015 23:17

Réponse: Aide/lettre motivation de gerondif, postée le 02-05-2015 à 23:24:59 (S | E)
Hello,
erreurs en bleu, corrections en vert
"Dear Sir or Madam,

I am currently doing(plutôt taking, on fait des études et on passe un diplôme(degree)) an Industrial System degree (3rd year) in at the University of Technology of Troyes, in France. And I would like to make an exchange for an Erasmus program in your University. So I decided to fill in an application form.(j'ai décidé de remplir un dossier d'inscription, un formulaire, me paraît moins naturel que j'ai décidé de m'inscrire.... Highly interested, I propose to you (me paraît bien français.. I would like you to....)to examine my candidature.

Lithuania is a country which attracts me, due to its culture, its geographical situation, but also due to the mentality of the people who lives(pluriel, pas de s) there. I really appreciate the possibility(existe mais fait français, opportunity irait bien) to create a study plan, it is really interesting for me, indeed I can adapt my study plan with(adapter à to adapt to) my actual degree. My main goal during this Erasmus exchange is to improve my English, and I am sure that the only way to improve your (j'aurais mis soit my, soit one's mais your fait trop discussion) english(majuscule!!) hightly(highly) is to practice,( en anglais britannique, practice est le nom et practise est le verbe!) that’s why this is the perfect solution for me.
Since I started my studies I really wanted(ah oui mais avec depuis, il faut un present perfect!! I have always wanted) to spend one year or at least a half year( bon moi, je ne dirais jamais cela, ça donne l'impression que bon, au moins une demi-année est un second choix, que c'est mieux que rien alors aller, je vais en Lithuanie. je mettrais directement half a year ou six months) abroad. I perfectly know that this opportunity constitutes an advantage on my resume, and that will enable me to integrate ~~the~~ professional life more easily, and that is why I am really motivated to do this exchange. Moreover, this opportunity to live in Lithuania will enable me to open my mind because of the culture is really different between our two country(pluriel puisqu'il y en a deux!). Lastly, a half year(existe mais half a year ou six months me paraîssent plus légers) abroad would be a personal experiment without any doubt very enriching.(ordre des mots à la française) spending half a year abroad would most certainly be a very enriching personal experience (parce que experiment, c'est l'expérience scientifique dont on ne sait pas si elle va réussir ou non, et je pense que vous parlez du vécu, pas de l'essai)

Yours faithfully,"

Réponse: Aide/lettre motivation de doudah, postée le 03-05-2015 à 00:11:20 (S | E)
Merci beaucoup ! Donc avec votre correction cela donne :

"Dear Sir or Madam,

I am currently taking an Industrial System degree (3rd year) at the University of Technology of xxx, in France. And I would like to make an exchange for an Erasmus program in your University. Highly interested, I would like you to examine my candidature.

Lithuania is a country which attracts me, due to its culture, its geographical situation, but also due to the mentality of the people who live there. I really appreciate the opportunity to create a study plan, it is really interesting for me, indeed I can adapt my study plan to my actual degree. My main goal during this Erasmus exchange is to improve my English, and I am sure that the only way to improve my English highly is to practise, that is why this is the perfect solution for me.

Since I started my studies I have always wanted to spend six months abroad. I perfectly know that this opportunity constitutes an advantage on my resume, and that will enable me to integrate professional life more easily, and that is why I am really motivated to do this exchange. Moreover, this opportunity to live in Lithuania will enable me to open my mind because the culture is really different between our two countries. Lastly, half a year abroad would be without any doubt a personal experiment very enriching.

I have already done an internship in England during three months and it was a great experience for me. I have learnt to work differently, to adapt myself to different situation and I improved my English communication skills.

You can contact me at monaddressemail if you need further information, thank you for taking the time to consider my application.

Yours faithfully,"

Encore mille fois merci !!

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