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Message de asmy posté le 22-03-2016 à 00:18:22 (S | E | F)
Bonsoir
j'ai une lettre de motivation à écrire en anglais pour une "summer School" au Pays Bas, c'est pourquoi j'aimerais votre avis sur ce que j'ai écrit.
Merci d'avance à qui pourra m'aider. J'attends avec impatience vos avis
Dear Sirs/Madam
My name is XXX, I am presently in second year of bachelor in economics at the Sorbonne Pantheon University, I also am preparing the ENS of Cachan in economics and management. I am writing to you apply for the course on (…) in your University.
Form the moment I started studying economics I liked it. The idea of being able to analyze and understand rationale choices, is what attracted me. Among all of what I learned until now, the theories about finance might be what interested me the most.
This course you propose attracts me because of its link with both the EU and the financial world. It seems to offer a global vision of the interactions between the European institution and finance. This kind of analyze is necessary for a better and stronger European integration, especially since the financial crisis of 2008. It is why I would like to have my first experience of studying abroad with you.
.The idea to experience a new environment to study in really represents a motivation for me. I do think the I possess the adaptation and opening qualities needed to study with you. These weeks in the Maastricht university would allow me to acquire maturity by living in a different environment and discover a new way to see economics. Due to its history and culture, Netherland is a country which attracts. This summer school will be an occasion for me to discover a new and fascinating culture. The fact that it is in Maastricht is even more exciting because of its link with European Union history.
I look forward to hearing from you
Sincerely yours
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Modifié par lucile83 le 22-03-2016 06:36
Message de asmy posté le 22-03-2016 à 00:18:22 (S | E | F)
Bonsoir
j'ai une lettre de motivation à écrire en anglais pour une "summer School" au Pays Bas, c'est pourquoi j'aimerais votre avis sur ce que j'ai écrit.
Merci d'avance à qui pourra m'aider. J'attends avec impatience vos avis
Dear Sirs/Madam
My name is XXX, I am presently in second year of bachelor in economics at the Sorbonne Pantheon University, I also am preparing the ENS of Cachan in economics and management. I am writing to you apply for the course on (…) in your University.
Form the moment I started studying economics I liked it. The idea of being able to analyze and understand rationale choices, is what attracted me. Among all of what I learned until now, the theories about finance might be what interested me the most.
This course you propose attracts me because of its link with both the EU and the financial world. It seems to offer a global vision of the interactions between the European institution and finance. This kind of analyze is necessary for a better and stronger European integration, especially since the financial crisis of 2008. It is why I would like to have my first experience of studying abroad with you.
.The idea to experience a new environment to study in really represents a motivation for me. I do think the I possess the adaptation and opening qualities needed to study with you. These weeks in the Maastricht university would allow me to acquire maturity by living in a different environment and discover a new way to see economics. Due to its history and culture, Netherland is a country which attracts. This summer school will be an occasion for me to discover a new and fascinating culture. The fact that it is in Maastricht is even more exciting because of its link with European Union history.
I look forward to hearing from you
Sincerely yours
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 22-03-2016 06:36
Réponse: Lettre/ motivation de asmy, postée le 26-03-2016 à 00:34:19 (S | E)
Si une âme charitable pouvait m'aider à vérifier ce serait vraiment sympa, c'est assez urgent et important.
Réponse: Lettre/ motivation de gerald, postée le 26-03-2016 à 04:39:18 (S | E)
Bonsoir asmy
voici une des erreurs que j'ai relevées:
from the moment : as soon as signifierait dans ce contexte dés que
Ces liens peuvent t'être utiles pour perfectionner ta lettre de motivation
Lien internet
Good luck ,have a good day.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 26-03-2016 09:26
Réponse: Lettre/ motivation de asmy, postée le 28-03-2016 à 17:08:38 (S | E)
Merci gerald
quelles sont les autres fautes que tu as remarquées? Si quelqu'un d'autre à des remarques, je suis toujours preneuse!Réponse: Lettre/ motivation de dumbouille, postée le 28-03-2016 à 21:50:06 (S | E)
Bonjour amsy,
Je me permets de noter quelques remarques en espérant qu'elles te seront utiles.
- pour les formules tu ne peux pas mélanger les "greeting" :
Dear Mr, Mrs, Miss, Ms + surname -> yours sincerely
Dear Sir/ madam (no surname) -> yours faithfully
- presently - currently
- I am writing to apply ... pas besoin du "you"
- ENS ?
- It is why I would like to have my first experience of studying abroad with you. -> "that's why" mais il faudrait reformuler, je ne pense pas que l'on puisse le mettre en début de phrase
- I do think I possess -> I assume/believe/
-"These weeks in the Maastricht university would allow me to acquire maturity by living in a different environment and discover a new way to see economics." -> j'inverserai les subordonnées pour coller plus à l'anglais et non au français.
- pour parler des Pays-Bas, on utilise l'article (et on n'oublie pas le "s") -> the Netherlands is ... (et en français, aux Pays-Bas avec un "x")
- a country which attracts + (obj.) -> is an appealing/attractive country
- the fact that it is in M -> Being located in M is even more exciting...
Tu pourrais utiliser les termes "interested in/interesting, motivated (by)...". Évoquer tes futurs projets, en quoi les choisir; eux t'apporterait.
Voilà ! J'espère que ces remarques te sont utiles ! Bon courage pour la suite !
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